UPositive Blog

New Website on Past Lives!

2010-01-18T07:30:00.003-06:00

Hello again. I know it's been a long time, but I've been receiving some new responses from readers of the blog---thank you all for visiting!

Just wanted to let you know that I've been busy working on another website, which was originally connected to UPositive.com.

It's called Past Lives Coaching (http://www.pastlivescoaching.com) and I'm really excited about it! I've been building it myself, and loving the experience - surprisingly. Never thought I'd be a site builder. (You can find out more about how I did it by going to the site, then clicking on the "Powered by Site Build It!" link on the bottom of any page.

What does Past Life regressions have to do with UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching?

A few things.

Ever feel that no matter how hard you try, you can't quite make headway toward your goals? And nothing you try to figure out makes a dent in that?
Have the sense that there's always been something incomplete following you around like a shadow, nagging over your shoulder?
Manage most of your goals but get nowhere with one in particular?
Always had the feeling you have a latent creative talent that you just can't seem to name, or commit to, or express?

These are only a few of the possible connections between attaining your goals and past life regressions.

Check out the pages of the website and see what else might intrigue you! There's lots of helpful information, suggestions for action, quizzes to take -- and soon, opportunities to enter into conversation with other folks just as interested in reincarnation, past lives, future lives, karma, soul mates, and similar topics. And there's always new info and ideas being added!

And, yes, it's still about your success in your present life -- just offering some new and different tools to reach your goals!

Have you ever experienced a past life regression? Think you have an idea of one or more of your past lives? Have you met your soul mate? Do you have a sense you have karma to complete? Or that you've "been-here-done-that-met-someone" in a previous life? Share your thoughts here and/or on the Past Lives Coaching site!

--Batya

Whole Brain Learning

2009-03-12T13:37:00.002-05:00

In a conversation with a friend about learning languages, I remembered my own struggle learning a language. I was going to visit Israel for a month or two, and needed to learn Hebrew.

There are Ulpan classes designed for quick learning, and I signed up a few months before the trip. But it wasn't until I was in Israel, living with people who pretty much didn't speak English, that my brain had to open up and learn.

I remember having a dream where I was trying to move out of an apartment, and the movers wouldn't lift a thing until I said the Hebrew word for "furniture" (not a word I normally used), and as soon as I said "r'hitim" they grabbed everything up and moved me. Since dreaming is in the right brain, but language learning is left brain---it's interesting that the dream was the breakthrough. After that, I was able to speak and understand much more Hebrew.

Come to think of it---when I was learning how to drive a stick shift car the same thing happened. I couldn't get it. Struggled and failed and failed and stripped gears. Then, one night, I dreamed about driving it. The next day I got in the car and drove like I'd been doing it for a decade.

So maybe there's a point where learning, which we try to do in the left brain, needs right-brain connection.

They do say that people test higher if they first imagine themselves taking the test in the room where it's given. And even higher if when they study (left brain again), they do that same imagining first---of being in the test room. Again, adding the right brain into the picture (so to speak).

I think it's true for anything: a whole brain approach gives improved results. It's all about exercising that corpus collosum, the bridge between the hemispheres, that gives us the extra step-up toward success, and happiness in our lives.

Lost in Cyber-Hell

2009-03-02T12:37:00.002-06:00

Read only if you're curious about sad computer-experience stories, or if you're a masachist.

Sorry that there haven't been any new blogs from me for the past few weeks: I've been in cyber-hell. My trusty old computer had been slowing down, groaning, and begging for relief by spitting surfed pages back out for a while now. Finally, I gave in, did a little research, asked my good friend and computer guru Jamie as well as my brother for help. My brother, who's really good at computers, recommended a few refurbished Dells. So...I bought one. There it was, all bright and shiny---the very next day!

It took a while, and Jamie's help and encouragement, but I finally got the Dell up and running. And it was wonderful!

For five days.

And then the refurbished Dell started to make whirring noises, wouldn't read my Trackball mouse anymore, required extensive prayers, stopped paying attention to my Preferences in a couple of programs, and began to kick me out of Firefox. A wonderful phone-tech in Myanmar or India or a hilltop in Tibet or somewhere, named Sam, tried to help. (Dell really does have good customer support, so someday I might buy a NEW Dell product.)

But when she got to...let's Reinstall Windows, I said...”Nope, that Window is closed.” After a very very long, discouraging wait, Dell agreed to take the computer (and screen) back. Whew! I had about 5 days left on the return policy before I would have to continue accepting Fixes to it. Glad I read the fine print.

The moral of the story: Refurbished is good if you really know what you're doing. If you don't, and have mini-cardiac-arrests every time the computer burps, like I do, don't get one.

During this time, my old computer decided to die. (I'd moved it to the basement, and I suppose it got lonely.) I have, I am very proud to say, reinstalled Windows (don't tell Dell) in that one, resurrecting it---and it works, though it has no memory at all of what has gone before. Luckily, I'd taken as much as I could out of it and copied it onto handy, dandy thumb drives to transfer to the new machine(s) before unplugging it upstairs.

So then it was about buying a brand new computer. The one I wanted was through Best Buy (which has awful customer support---and they only had it in Mt. Juliet---about 45 minutes away and a highway drive I hate. Off I went. The salesperson sold me the model below it, for $100 less. The next day I called and said, “what did he do? I want the other machine.” So I went back to Mt. Juliet, box unopened, because Best Buy refused to ship the computer I really wanted to the West Nashville store. Then the salesman convinced me to buy the Microsoft Office for Students, because I wanted to be able to use Word (Oh, yeah, this machine is Vista instead of Dell's XP Pro---I'd been on XP on the old machine). Well, whaddaya know---Student has a very weird, unwieldy version of Word that is not worth anything---so I wasted yet more money.

A friend showed me how to get Open Office (just search for it---it's free), which has my old Word (or something similar enough). I love it.

All the info and programs I'd hand typed, downloaded, and updated the week before into the Dell had to be done again. I'm still doing it.

Another lesson---though I really enjoyed using aol for all these years---aol runs behind things in your computer, slows things down, and just messes some things up. Getting out of ao-hell is nearly impossible. I had to copy and paste literally hundreds (16 pages) of “favorites” into a Word document and it's taking me four days to copy and paste urls into Foxfire bookmarks.

Luckily my friend Mia showed me evernote, and I'm entering the list there at the same time. So I have my “filing cabinet” of websites on Foxfire (my computer), and evernote (off my computer in cyberspace somewhere).

I've purchased a VISTA for Dummies book (which is a bit advanced for my cyber-challenged brain). I'm determined to learn the workings of this machine.

I have been learning about computers through this whole process, and when the salesperson at Staples (bought a screen on a great sales!) spoke cyber-ese, I actually understood most of what he said. Shocked myself.

And, I'll be blogging again...maybe later today.

Reasons for Creativity

2009-02-03T12:25:00.000-06:00

The second quotation in The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People (available at www.UPositive.com) is from the author Steve Gillete:

“There are so many good reasons for creating more beauty and music in the world.”

I love this quote. It gets me thinking about those reasons, coming up with specifics for why more beauty and music is so important. Thinking about this concept, I remember a story I heard about the traditional Balinese people, and their beliefs.

The people of Bali wear black-and-white check belts to symbolize the balance between “positive and negative” in the world. As I understand the story, it is necessary to have both for the world to continue: if there is too much negativity, the world will be destroyed; if the world becomes completely positive, there is no longer a reason for the world to exist.

Beauty and music---and anything created---is on the side of the “positive,” and helps to keep the world balanced and in existence. Simple.

Other traditions proclaim that creativity continues the use of the Original Energy of the beginning of the cosmos, and, therefore, is essential to its continuance as well.

It’s not a very far stretch to proclaim that creativity is, indeed, a Green activity, of which we always need more.

Do you agree? Do you see other “reasons” why beauty, music, and creativity are essential?

--Batya

Art vs. Form as Function

2009-01-31T17:01:00.001-06:00

Creativity and the Everyday

An article in last April’s New York Times by Glenn Collins reminded me that art used to be the everyday. In traditional earth-based societies everywhere around the world, everyday objects---from spoons to moccasins, camel knee-pads to bowls---were decorated and used. There was no distinction between “fine” or “high” art and functional art, no difference between an elite corps of artists and the regular person.

I think we’ve lost something in moving from art as function to form as function. While we still admire the lines of an expensive sink faucet or the new wood paneled refrigerator, are we missing opportunities to express our own vision of the world in our daily lives?

We’re closer to imbuing our lives with creative energy when we hang our children’s finger-painted masterpieces on the refrigerator door, or tack their first drawing of a tree---even though it might be purple---to the board by our desks. We allow this expression to our children, but what about to ourselves?

In the article, “All the Colors of the Rugs the Nomads Walked On,” Collins remarks about camel knee covers: “…the curiosity is that they are so intricately woven, so richly patterned and so extraordinarily colorful.” The pieces are “…so much more glorious than they need to be…” The curator of the show being referenced, Jon Thompson is quoted as saying, “Everything here was made for some purpose. And someone put effort and energy---and love---into making it.”

I remember studying Native cultures from various parts of the world. My second major in undergraduate school was cultural anthropology; I returned for my first Masters degree in the same subject. Part of what’s always drawn me to the Original Peoples of the world is their creativity. The way the nomads of the Middle East wove with “a riot of color in a landscape that is beige,” as the rug show’s assistant curator said. The way even the most crooked pottery from the early Anasazi culture of the American Southwest carries lines and dots and geometric patterns to embellish it. How tiny the patterns of the woven baskets of Africa are; or the intricacies of porcupine quill weaving in Northeast America.

And all these items were used. They weren’t sequestered away on museum shelves protected from touch. The purpose was to use all these products. Expressing creativity was an everyday, accepted, even expected part of daily life.

Wouldn’t it be lovely to get back to that quality of life? Everyone as an artist…every object a work of art.

Creativity & Alchemy

2009-01-27T08:50:00.000-06:00

Creativity---always interesting new definitions of it popping up here and there. In reading through an old pile of New York Times articles, saved for a rainy day (does snow count?), I came across a NYT magazine piece about Tom Binnes, artist extraordinaire of found objects. Jewelry and masks are among the prominent pieces in his collections from the past 20 years. That’s along and illustrious career!

What caught my eye was what Binns said about his own art: “I am always trying to reassess the value of something.”

Isn’t that what all creativity is about?

I have my saying, “There is always something new under the sun” on products through www.cafepress.com/UPositve. What I mean by that is, I think, what Binns alludes to. That whether or not there are new factual objects in our universe, there is always a new way of seeing what’s already there. A new interpretation, a redefinition, a turning something on its side or upside down, whether it’s an object that can be held, a way of moving, a turn of phrase, a meaning or an insight.

Art, in all its forms, is in that way, alchemy. Turning something into something else.

We are all magicians!

---Batya

Imagination vs. Knowledge

2009-01-21T09:19:00.001-06:00

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”--Albert Einstein (Quoted in Chapter Three of The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People)

I love this quote. It makes me think every time I read it. I was raised, like many of us, to believe that knowledge was the key to the world. The more information we retained, the smarter we were…the more successful we would become. We were rewarded for As in school, punished for low grades. And obtaining those grades often meant letting go of our imaginations that might argue with the “facts” or focusing our left brains to memorize and store the information that we were taught. If we questioned too much, or asked the “wrong” questions, we were admonished. Repeating the data perfectly, which is defined as obtaining knowledge, became the goal for success.

And here comes Einstein, of all people, the epitome of shifting our knowledge of the universe and how it works, saying that knowledge isn’t the most important goal. Imagination, of all things---a right-brain activity---is more important. How can that be?

Bottom line for me in answering this is that without imagination our knowledge would never grow. We would pass the exact same information from generation to generation, never learning anything new, never expanding our experience, never achieving breakthroughs in science or mathematics or even chemistry---all arenas we usually think of as Left Brain.

Kekule, who discovered the benzene ring which brought major breakthroughs in chemistry and therefore medicine, first saw the structure in that half-dream state of the imagination. Einstein himself, after working his Left Brain into exhaustion trying to figure out his theory, finally reached his Theory of Relativity lying on his back staring at the sky in a trance state. These are all right-brain, or imagination, states of being.

It is, indeed, the imagination that allows us to increase our knowledge. That makes complete sense in rereading Einstein’s quote.

Are there any other ways you see to read the quote? Please post your replies here. I’m looking forward to reading them.

--Batya

Dreams, Beliefs, Plans, Actions

2009-01-18T14:19:00.001-06:00

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”--Anatole France (as quoted in Chapter Five of The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People)

I often read about goal setting or achievement as taking action. If only you do the steps, you’ll reach your goal.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Or does it? Does it begin with the act of taking a step? Or does it begin with the dream of walking a thousand miles? Of having the intention to go somewhere other than where you are at the moment? To accomplish your goal, you need not only the dream or vision of it, but then the plan of how to get from here to there, of which direction to head in, and the belief that you are able to take the steps, and that with your plan, the steps will lead you to your goal, to your “great thing.” Taking a step, if you have no dream or direction, no plan or belief, can just as easily start you walking in a very small circle as it can start you heading on a journey. A thousand steps without direction can get you into a very close, very deep rut.

The “down” time is so essential to success. If you only work toward your goals, only act, you’ll exhaust yourself. Dreaming and believing, internal rather than external activities---done best during periods of “rest”---empower the actions you take toward your accomplishments.

Revisiting your dream, your vision, your visualization of your goals reinvigorates your passion, which then guides your reticular activating system and fuels your actions. When you dream and believe, and add plans and action, you pave the way for miracles to happen: you-made as well as Universe-made.

So, dream away! Believe in yourself! And then make your plans and take the actions you need to get you there.

--Batya

Making it Easy for the Muse

2009-01-15T16:57:00.002-06:00

One of my friends who has a problem, as most of us do at some point or other, actually sitting down to write her book, put it, she’s waiting for the inspiration to hit. We’d been through long conversations about writing, about the creative process, about the creative act and the doing of it.

When she said she was waiting for the Muse to come knock down her door and then she’d get creative, I saw the problem in a new way. Here’s some of my response to her:

“That’s your problem! Aha! Got it! You think that writing is about award-wining ideas hitting you. Nope. Writing is about putting words on paper (or typing them onto a computer screen). Simple. That's it.
“And that goes for painting or choreographing, or designing, or any creative act at all. It’s never about the brilliant Aha! moment that’s supposed to come in a vacuum. Vacuums are overrated.
“More often, the Aha! award-winning stuff comes in the middle of some really awful, disgusting totally garbage-bound stuff. You have to prepare the stage: you have to do the garbage to get to the awards.
“You don't write (or paint or dance, etc.) just when inspiration hits. You write so inspiration can hit. You give it the opportunity, make it easy, prepare the target.
“Inspiration looks for the easy way---like we all do and like all natural phenomena do. If it's floating by and there's someone already writing (garbage or whatever) it doesn't stop to judge, it just sees that there are fingers flying and putting words down (or feet already dancing, or a paintbrush already poised above canvas…) and it's much easier to drop the inspiration in those laps than to find someone else, get them to stop whatever else they're doing, find pad and pencil or plug in the laptop or tie their ballet slippers, or mix the perfect green pigment, and finally, after all that, give them the inspiration. I mean, really...if you were a Muse, which way would you go?”

So let’s all make a resolution for 2009: Let’s make it the year of Making it Easy for the Muse. Let's get the garbage out of the way by starting without the Muse, so when the Muse is ready, she/he/it can inspire us easily.

Happy Creative 2009!

--Batya

Worthy Goals

2009-01-06T17:07:00.002-06:00

“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.” --Victor Frankl

This is the first quote in The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People (available from www.UPositive.com). It's an important thought: not only that people need goals, but need goals that are larger and more meaningful than the everyday. What goal is actually worthy of your true self? Of your ‘largest’ self? What goal is big enough and encompassing enough to be worthy of your soul?

Notice, too, that Frankl doesn’t speak about the attainment of the goal, but of the “striving and struggling” for it. He isn’t referring to the success or failure of reaching the goal, but of the process of living toward that goal.

We often make our goals too small. We envision only that which we are willing to think we CAN reach. What would happen if we made our goals large enough that reaching them stops being the issue, but striving and struggling for them becomes the purpose of our days and nights?

I’m impressed by a number of the movies Robert Redford has chosen to act in. Putting aside my attraction to the man for a moment (not his looks, but him)… I have thought often about what common thread runs through many of these films: Brubaker; Havana; Milagro Beanfield Wars; and Quiz Show (in reverse), among others. What I see in these is a main character who becomes bigger than himself (in Quiz Show, smaller) by acting from a private passion or commitment. By engaging in the process, they become more human, more effective; their actions extend farther past themselves into the world; they make more of an impact than they could imagine even in their own minds.

If we commit to a larger vision, something we might not even believe we can reach, and commit to the process, how much farther along the path we might get! I have a little sign framed in my house that reads: “Reach for the moon: even if you fail you land among the stars.” It reminds me of just this: the farther I reach, the farther I’ll get. If I aim for a large, distant goal, even if I don’t get there, I’ll get farther than if I reach for a small goal that is a sure thing.

I remember in the ‘60s and ‘70s when we had the audacity to try to end world hunger. We haven’t done it yet. Knowing we wouldn’t accomplish it in 40 years…we might have given it up. But look how much closer we are than if we hadn’t taken it on as a goal then. There are food banks all across America. There are hunger relief programs all across the world. Even the US Postal Service conducts a food drive: we started that ‘way back when. So many more people eat now; so many fewer starve. Do we still have a very long way to go to alleviate world hunger? You bet we do. Might we achieve that in the next 40 years? Who knows? But if we continue to aim for it, we’ll end up with a lot fewer hungry people than would exist if we decided it was an “impossible” goal and gave it up.

And, what are you willing to attain, even by miracle? If you don’t engage in the process, even a miracle can’t get you there. How would you feel if you find a goal worthy of that stress and strain, worthy of your soul---and by your daily efforts (and miracle, if necessary)---you do reach it?

So what goals are worthy of your striving and struggling in 2009? What are you willing to stress yourself for? What are you willing to maybe fail at reaching just to get that much closer?

--Batya

Something New Under the Sun?

2008-12-27T16:31:00.001-06:00

Has it all been done before?

In the past week I spoke to two people, one a friend and one a coaching client, who were struggling with their creativity in similar ways. Both questioned: Why Bother? Hasn’t it all been done before? Haven’t all the stories for songs been written a million times? Haven’t all the books been written? There’s nothing new to write, or paint, or express.

Those who know me know one of my favorite sayings: “There’s always something new under the sun!” (which, yes, you’ll find on products at www.cafepress.com/UPositive).

So, it got me thinking again, about the “why bother?” And, yet again, it seems that the answer lies in my favorite place: the distinction between the right and left hemispheres of the brain; the logical vs the creative/emotional.

It’s true, things have been done before: The facts of things, the statements, the specific expression of emotions. So, sure, the Left Brain convinces us that there’s nothing new to express so the Right Brain might as well go back to sleep.

But that’s not the whole truth. What makes creativity so powerful aren’t the facts that are expressed, but the particular way of expressing the facts.

For instance, I can read a book about right vs wrong written by a theologian. My reaction would most likely be, hmmmm, interesting. I’d put the book down and be on my way. Or, I could read a book about vampires, where the choice of right vs wrong is extremely complicated in a fictional way, and I’ll be fascinated, and I’ll finish the book and put it down and wander around for days mulling over the choices of right vs wrong.

My left-brain friend (unnamed here), can read the same two books, throw the vampire one in the recycle bin and wander for days reviewing the theologian’s version.

We’re so individual that different approaches to the same topic reach into us each in different ways. To get to our hearts and souls, to create even the potential for change and growth in each person, there must be choices in reaching us. What works for me won’t work for my brother, or my friend, or you. Or maybe it will.

It’s the way you express your creativity, your individual voice (or motion, or color combination, or brush stroke) that is of utmost importance, not the plot line, or the brand of your toe shoes, or being able to draw a straight line.

That’s a long way around to saying that it’s essential that every person with an urge to create does so, in their own style. Because your creation has not been done before, ever, and never will be done again because it’s you that makes it new and fresh and unique.

(For those who are religious, another argument: If you believe that God created the world, then you believe that everything that exists was created in those first seven days. The only new thing to do is to recombine the elements God put on the Earth for us to “play” with.)

So, to everyone, create away!!

--Batya

The Care and Feeding of Self: Depression Type

2008-12-13T16:56:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago I went through what I thought was a depression, and by the second day of it, it scared me a lot. I’m not usually a depressed person, but now and then and in February, I get a day or two, like most people do. It’s my depression, it’s very familiar, and I know just what I need to get out of it within 24-48 hours.

It made me think about the different kinds of depressions. We have an overall term, but the style of depression is just as important as the overall diagnosis. And I think they need to be treated differently.

Of course, there’s the bio-chemically caused depression, which really requires medication to get everything in balance. This tends to be hereditary, and long-term.

There’s the hereditary weakness toward depression, also, which is set off by external circumstances, but becomes depression as opposed to anything else, because there’s a bio-chemical weakness in that direction.

There’s also what I call the nurture-heredity depression, which is that we learn patterns of response to external stimuli from our parents. If one of our parents tended to respond to stress by becoming depressed, we are more likely to do so, also. You might need medication to help break through this so that you can make different choices with your responses to stressors. If it becomes a long-term and continuous response to your circumstances, then medication helps even more.

Situational depression is unavoidable at times. It’s a temporary depression, brought on by sad things in your life, or a string of sad things, so that you’re overwhelmed. It’s more than one load of brown stuff hitting the fan fairly continuously. There’s often a sense of frustration and anxiety that accompanies this depression. While medication can be helpful, most of the climb out of this type requires stepping back, taking some deep breaths (away from the fan), and determining the best action strategy to change your response to your situation, and/or the situation you’re in. Cognitive/behavioral therapy and/or life coaching and goal setting are extremely helpful.

Let’s not forget the good ol’ SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Like all living things, humans need sunshine, and deprivation of that sunlight affects most of us to some degree by February, and some of us to a greater extent throughout the winter. Full-spectrum lights can help, as can therapy and medication to deal with the issues dredged up during the longer hours of darkness in the winter.

Of course, the depression that comes from the low swings of bipolar disorder has its own attributes, and can be quite debilitating for those who suffer from it. Medication is essential to help balance your biochemistry, and therapy, again, helps you deal with the issues raised as well as manage the ups and downs of the disorder on a behavioral level.

And then there’s the Out of Balance, or Brain Vacation Depression, which is what I had.

My depression scared me this time because it had a different quality than my usual depressions, and because I didn’t recognize it. For the first time ever, I experienced anhedonia: lack of hope, emotion, intention, desire, pleasure of any sort. There was a great nothingness that I faced: it couldn’t be argued with, cajoled, threatened, or bribed. I would start off with the thought, “time to wash a dish or two” and find myself on the couch with a vampire novel or a nap instead, not quite realizing how I’d gotten there. I read about a book or more a day (a pleasure I give myself for a day or two now and then) until I’d gone through both of Laurell K. Hamilton series (Anita Blake, vampire slayer; Merry Gentry, Fairy Princess), both of which are brilliant and I highly recommend (in order because character development is outstanding).

This wasn’t “Batya’s Depression.” I really was scared.

The first thing I did on Day 2 of it was call my doctor and go in for a blood test, just to be sure it wasn’t caused by a physical problem. The second thing I did was call my sometimes-therapist and schedule appointments (it took about 3 weeks, 2x a week, and I am very thankful to her for seeing me that way). The third thing I did was take antidepressants (the first time in my life, since I don’t usually have long-term depression), but I stopped taking them after two weeks when I felt myself pulling out of the worst of it.

What happened, it turns out, is that my brain (both right and left hemispheres) needed a vacation, and since it didn’t see me packing a suitcase for the Bahamas, it decided to go on one by itself. Which explains the disconnect between thinking and not-doing. Between the last two years at the clinic and the house problems, which were continuous stress and burnout, and the year of positive stress of building my business and learning new things for it, my brain was just tired. September was the celebration of the business and all that I’d accomplished to date, some celebrations with my family of origin (with our own dance and ways of showing love), and the economy of America going haywire…my brain decided to quit for a while.

Reading, for me, is a taking-in. It’s like meditation, and it feeds some deep part of me. In a way, yes, it’s escape, and as such, a vacation from the everyday. I suppose for some people, looking at art or watching movies might provide the same relief.

In my job, and in developing my business, giving is the key. And I love it! It’s who I am, how I can most deeply express myself. I love both psychotherapy and coaching as what I do. So my depression wasn’t at all about wanting to do something else or changing a large part of my life. It was simply about restoring of the giving out/taking in cycle.

What a relief! I’m very thankful to the people who supported me as I went through this, and who had patience with me during this time. Luckily, it only lasted three weeks, and I’m learning to be a little more tender to myself, to keep my activities more balanced: lessons I’ve always told my clients. Hmm. Maybe I should record my sessions and listen to myself!

I’m back now, refreshed, eager, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed, with lots of energy to jump back into all the blogging, newsletter writing, seminar leading, promotion, client contact, and everything else it takes to keep my business and my life up and running. I’m writing fiction again, eating healthy, and back to being Batya. Feels good!

Have you experienced any of these depressions? How have you conquered it? I’d love to hear from you!

--Batya

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T18:57:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, on Turkey Day, I was thinking about the meaning of Thanksgiving. It’s great to have a day of awareness of the bounty that we have, individually, as families, as a culture and a country. It think it’s important that we do some thanks-giving every day: choosing a minimum of three good things that happened that day and saying Thank You every night. There are some religions that have morning prayers that give thanks for the obvious things: thank You that I’m a woman, or thank You that I’m a man; thank You that I have another day to live and woke up this morning from my sleep.

My thoughts went back to the history of Thanksgiving, which has evolved into everyone eating a too-big meal with family and friends. This is a wonderful thing, and certainly reminds us of that first Thanksgiving, when the hungry Pilgrims were invited to a feast by the local, long-term inhabitants.

But it wasn’t just about a big meal back then.

The Native Americans, who knew this land and how to find and grow food on it watched these strange newcomers as they struggled, disconnected from the ways of the soil and air and water available here, trying to eke out a living on unfamiliar ground. They saw them try to bring their old habits into this land. These newcomers didn’t look like them or sound like them or dress like them or pray like them. The Native Americans, without trying to change these new people, offered them not only a table of food one day, but friendship, companionship, and guidance in how to live off their land. And the Native Americans didn’t try to convert these Europeans, or make them learn their language, or wear their clothes. They held out a hand, offered to share, offered friendship and assistance to the aliens who had left hardship and prosecution behind and sought freedom and opportunity on the shores of Turtle Island…America.

Maybe this is what we need to remember about Thanksgiving.

--Batya

Goals and Depression, Mood Swings, ADD, OCD, etc.

2008-10-24T09:52:00.002-05:00

Lately, a lot of people have been mentioning their frustration with Goal Setting. Sometimes they’ve read a popular book on the topic and tried to follow the suggestions in it. Sometimes they’ve visualized and listed their goals. Or even determined the steps and added them to their to-do lists for a few weeks.

And then nothing happens. Except frustration.

“There’s too many things to do. I’ll never get there.”

“I don’t have the energy.”

“I start something and get distracted; then I do the other task and get distracted again.”

“I just can’t find the focus to get much done.”

For one thing, if you get out of bed in the morning, go to work, take care of the kids, cook a meal---you’re getting things done. You’re taking steps toward your goals. Often, we forget to add the “ordinary” activities to our goals lists. “Continue being a good parent.” “Maintain my home.” “Make a living.” These are ongoing goals. Include them in your list.

Secondly, most of the material on goal setting presents a cookie-cutter approach that works for many people, but not all people. Often, you need to take the information in the books/seminars/classes and remold it to your own needs. In fact, finding your own style of accomplishing steps to your goals is included in part in many of these books.

Third: most approaches are tailored to people who are already functioning fairly well.

But what if you’re not functioning all that well to start with? What if you’re depressed, or anxious; what if you have severe mood swings, or have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder?

The most important step here, if you feel you really are suffering, is to see a doctor and get some medication to break through the biochemical side of your illness.

Then, you need to reassess your immediate goals. Yes, you want to do the long-term, 10- and 5-year visualizations, but I’d say, tuck them away in a safe place for later reference. Instead, concentrate on short-term goals. What would you like to accomplish in the next three months?

When you’re depressed, or suffering from any mental health problems, three months becomes a long time, subjectively. So start with three months, then work back to one month, one week, and today. Take it, as they say in the 12-step programs, one day at a time. Be sure, however, to write up your list of do-able steps, and set up your calendar so you can keep track of your accomplishments.

Here’s an example if you’re depressed. For those who are severely depressed, just getting out of bed can be a major accomplishment. Start with simple things, maybe one a day. On your way to the bathroom, open the curtains and let light in. It’s been proven scientifically that lack of light adds to depression; addition of natural light helps relieve it. Get out of bed and get dressed. Do not wander around in your nightgown or pj’s all day---even if you’re staying in the house. hoose one activity to accomplish each day. Make sure you acknowledge yourself for each small step you take.

For those with ADD (attention deficit disorder), you might want to choose a task and break it up into very small activities. Pay attention to your attention: can you focus for 15 minutes at a time? Only 10 minutes? Or five? Make each task into minitasks that take that amount of time to accomplish. Instead of exerting energy trying to focus longer (and then beating yourself up for failing), train yourself to return to the next step of a larger task. For you, choosing two or three tasks for a day, each one broken up into mini-tasks, and rotating from one to the next---and back again (that’s the trick for success!)---will allow you to get more accomplished.

I’m writing an eBook that addresses these issues in more detail. The working title is: The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for People with Depression, Anxiety, Mood Swings, ADD, OCD, and more. It will be available at the beginning of 2009. In the meantime, if you’d like to learn more, please email me at Batya@UPositive.com., or visit www.UPositive.com.

If you have stories about your own frustrations and successes attaining your goals, feel free post here, or send me an email.

--Batya

Definition of "Goal"

2008-10-02T14:45:00.004-05:00

While reading Dan Miller's excellent book, 48 Days, I once again came across the accepted definition of "goal," which is, simply put, A goal is a dream with a timeline attached. Recently, a coaching client asked me a similar question: Don't all my goals need time determinations?

I've been thinking about that. For a while, I'd accepted that definition, but something just didn't feel right. Today, sitting on the sand in Long Beach, NY, I realized what my problem with it was.

Attaching a time determination to a goal is left-brained, and only half the story.

Sure, having a time for your goals in mind: 5 years, 6 months, etc. and then adding the smaller steps to your weekly and daily list of do-ables is essential. Especially for charting, and for the left brain.

There's a danger, though, in defining a goal as attached to a time limit. What happens when life intervenes and you miss your deadlines? Have you failed at your goals? Obviously, the answer is a resounding "no." If you renegotiate your timeline, does that mean you're redefining your goals? Again, I'd say "no."

So I don't think a timeline is the definition of a goal.

I think the definition of goal is:

A goal is a dream with commitment attached.

Once you have the commitment, the timeline, the do-ables, the actions within the reality of your days, weeks, and months are all tools to use to get there. And commitment is as much a right-brained activity as it is left-brained. Commitment is a whole-brained approach to defining "goal."

I'd love to read your thoughts and responses to this redefinition of "goal."

--Batya

Improved Memory

2008-09-24T12:30:00.003-05:00

NEWS

The Creativity Empowerment Celebration for the launch of UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching on Friday was great fun! In spite of the Nashville gas crisis, which did keep a few people away. The rest of us shared good conversation, and funny and inspiring right brain/left brain skit, delicious food and drink (and scrumptious quadruple-chocolate brownies!), and won lots of door prizes!

I'm working on a membership program for UPositive. I'll post the details here as soon as I have them, so my blog-readers can have the first chance to participate. There's going to be a lot of value in membership, I can promise you that!

Improving Memory

Back in April, Gary Marcus wrote a short article for the New York Times Magazine entitled “Total Recall.” He described the difference between how a computer accesses its memory and how humans (and other animals) access memory. The computer, of course, is better at it. By the end of the article, he suggested that there might eventually be a “neural prosthetic” (implant) that would stimulate our memory pathways.

No thanks.

I’d like to stick with the human brain remaining human; I’m not interested in becoming even part cyborg, thank you.

But there was some interesting information in the article. For instance, there are studies showing that environment, body posture, secondary senses, all increase memory. If you learn a word while stooping, you will better remember it while stooping. It’s been known for a while that visiting the room where a test will be given beforehand, and keeping the image of that room in your mind while you study increases your score on the test.

I’d like to propose a different solution to improving memory than adding a computer chip to our gray matter. I’m going to try this myself, do an informal study. Here’s my theory:

Choose a different posture for different kinds of information input.
Keep a written list (so you don’t have to remember it on your own).
Practice, practice, practice. (repetition increases synaptic firing: think of a deer creating a path to the stream---it gets easier with each trip)
Reward any success. (behavioral modification technique).

Here are some suggestions (I want to make these so they’re not too obvious or distracting to others):
1. Rub the top of my ear as I learn someone’s name.
2. Put thumb to middle finger as hear people talk about computers.
3. Lace right and left fingers together for writing suggestions.

Do you have any experience with improving your memory in a similar manner? Did it work?

If you decide to try it, let me know what happens, please!

--Batya

Time, Again

2008-09-15T11:14:00.001-05:00

NEWS

Big news this week: Creative Empowerment Celebration launching UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching is happening this Friday, 6-9 pm, at HA Gallery in Nashville, TN. I’m really looking forward to seeing everyone there! I’ve written a short skit about conversations between the right and left hemispheres of the brain; we’ll be giving out a lot of door prizes; Shirley Geier’s brilliant illustrations for The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People and the first two for The UPositive Guide to Time Management for Creative People will be on exhibit; products and sayings from cafepress.com/UPositive will be displayed, and lots of great people will be wandering through. And, yes, there will be nibbles to nibble.

TIME, AGAIN

Back to that annoying topic. My friend Heather is writing a truly engaging and well-crafted novel about time travel, which has gotten my brain thinking---and reeling!

My cyberfriend and most frequent poster on this blog, Elysabeth, just assumed that time flows smoothly. As we all assume. But what if scientists just conjured up measures of time in order to pretend control over it? What if time really is more of a subjective type of thing? What if all this clock stuff is one large agreement we’ve all made (especially the Swiss and Germans who are quite punctual) so that sometimes people show up in the same place at the same time?

We all know the difference between subjective time and objective time.

Case in point. Since I’m very much into balancing the right and left hemispheres of the brain I pride myself on scheduling. Last week time got all twisted for me. No matter what I did, it went wrong first, then went right. So I decided to stop fighting it and embrace it. I began to schedule my time to include the SNAFUs.

What happened? I sat in my car for an hour waiting for friends to show up for lunch---because as soon as I tried to have control over the chaos, the chaos tricked me and went away. The only thing that didn’t go right was the not-going-right part of the day. MetaSNAFU.

Yes, we need to schedule our time, because we still live in a world that has an agreement to operate by the clock: factual ticking or not. But we also need to give ourselves a break, regularly, when the clock and our schedules forget about each other and go their own ways.

That said, see you on Friday at the gallery, somewhere between 6 and 9 p.m.

--Batya

More Creativity and Goal Attainment Blogs

2008-09-09T12:04:00.003-05:00

Hi everyone!

Yvonne Perry, of www.writersinthesky.com, a brilliantly helpful website for writers of all kinds, spoke at our nonfiction meetup group last night. She mentioned that the more often a person blogs, the more the keywords will be picked up by the search engines and the happier those of us using blogs for our friends, families, clients, and potential clients, will be.

Well, I like being happy. My right brain loves being happy! And, as we all know, when the right brain is happy....everybody is happy!

So, I'm going to try to add a post or two a week. These will be short, and on helpful topics...bliphelps or something.

They will be about Creativity and the Creative Process. They'll also be about Goal Setting and especially Goal Attainment. Breaking through Creative Blocks. Time Management. Right Brain/Left Brain compatibility. And just plain ol' making-it-through-the-day thoughts.

Please feel free to participate in the discussion, in agreeing or disagreeing with my posts, in adding thoughts, info, ideas...whatever!

And, Elysabeth---special thanks to you for your continued support and posts to these blogs!

--Batya

Is It Really Time Off?

2008-09-08T09:19:00.001-05:00

NEWS

We’re getting closer and closer to the celebration launching UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching. It’s Friday evening, September 19, from 6-9 pm at HA Gallery in Nashville. There’s going to be hors d’ouevres, of course, a skit about right and left brain conversations, motivational art, music, a Q&A period, and lots of interesting people with whom to mingle!

I tried last week, so I’ll just try again this week, to get the e-newsletter out. So far, I have the design of it (major cyber-accomplishment for me) and I’ll be adding copy, hopefully, tomorrow. Look for it by the end of the week. If you’re not already on my mailing list, please let me know, or visit the Website, www.UPositive.com for the newsletter link.

The second book in the series, The UPositive Guide to Time Management for Creative People, should be out by the end of the month. I’m waiting until after the party to finish it up and do the styling. So far, Shirley Geier has done two gotta-see illustrations for it!

Is it Really Time Off?

This was my birthday weekend. I decided I wanted to redo my back patio, as it had accumulated a lot of leaves and displaced dirt patches, and some potting soil bags from the front yard. The patio chairs needed some cleaning, and it was looking a bit neglected. I never spend a lot of time back there myself, but it’s the entrance to my finished basement where the nonfiction and other groups meet. I’d always had plans to plant some shade-loving greenery, like luscious ferns and columbine and all sorts of things, but never gotten around to it.

The patio’s an odd shape. Two triangular corners of soil, two short rectangular strips along the sides, and one long rectangular strip along the foundation of the house. Mostly boring pebble cement and very, very little planting area. There’s one Rose of Sharon tree beside the gate, which provides nectar for hummingbirds just outside the window here by my computer. Love that part!

I spent two entire days doing the physical labor of moving things around, buying and lifting and dragging a half dozen bags of marble stone chips and red lava chips. Another half dozen bags of topsoil. Eight decent-size plants (all on sale this time of year!), garden tools from front to back of house, up and down the hill. Swept the patio about three times. Laid brick as edging along about a third of the area, and put brick down along one of the short sides. Potted three of the plants for the brick area. Spray painted to my heart’s delight. (I love spray paint, but it doesn’t go very far, and always takes twice as many cans as I figure.) Since I decided on white rock with red lava rock as accent, I sprayed two of the plastic chairs a matching maroonish red, sprayed the containers for the plants; sprayed the wheelbarrow and two of the shepherd’s crooks a rust-reducer undercoat; sprayed the ugly blue trunklike storage bin, two ashtrays, and a garbage pail the matching red. Almost sprayed the visiting cat, but he moved too fast! Set white and red rock in two of the triangular corners, and put in one of the two spreading junipers. Tried that landscaper’s cloth, but I’d rather pull weeds.

All this to say: two days of doing purely physical (and enjoyable), non-brain-taxing (and enjoyable) work. Basically, a break for my left brain, which has been working overtime on UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching.

I love working on the business. I totally love seeing my clients. But working mostly from home on the Internet-based products and newsletter and invites and website and eBooks, and having an unending To-Do list (which is true for every entrepreneur), with my office in my home and no “going home” at 5 or 6 or even 7 pm, has been exhausting.

I slept really well the last two nights. And I woke up feeling remarkably refreshed, clear-headed, re-inspired without effort, and ready to go! Doing the opposite, using opposite energy not only lets your usual energy replenish, but gives it the space to readjust to itself, and to re-center from all the activity that part of the brain has been doing.

Take some time to do the opposite. Put it on your To-Do list. You accomplish much more afterward!

It reminded me that sometimes getting away from it all is the best thing you can to do accomplish it all. Gee. I kind of remember that from….oh, wait….yes, my own video!! And my own eBook.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of checking in with your own wisdom and actually listening to it!

As always, thoughts, comments, additional ideas are welcome.

--Batya

Productive Sleep

2008-09-03T09:45:00.001-05:00

News

The celebration launching UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching is happening September 19. If you’re interested in attending and haven’t yet received an invitation, please email Batya@UPositive.com

The website, www.UPositive.com, is running---except for the “subscribe” button. Again, if you’d like to be on the free newsletter list, email Batya@UPositive.com and I’ll be happy to add you. If you’ve already subscribed on the website, please send me an email; I haven’t been able to collect those names. The problem will be solved one way or another in the next few days (I hope).

Speaking of newsletters. The first issue should be out by Friday, although I’m fighting a computer glitch. Here’s hoping!

Productive Sleep

A number of articles have crossed my path recently about sleep. Sure, there were the gazillion about how to get a better night’s sleep (I run a two-hour seminar about that), but these caught my eye because they brought up a subject that had caught my eye decades ago: how to use sleep productively.

Back in the mid-1970s, Patricia Garfield wrote Creative Dreaming. Later on, Robert Moss, Stephen LaBerge and others expanded on the topic, exploring aware and awake dreaming in the spiritual realm and in the psychological realm.

Now, the topic seems to have awakened again.

One of the many marketing e-newsletters I receive focused on using the hours of sleep to add time to the day. He suggests assigning problem-solving tasks to the brain, extending the work day through the night. Does it work? Usually.

The Scientific American Mind, which I’ve mentioned before and which is one of my favorite magazines, included an article in its recent issue entitled: “Quiet! Sleeping Brain at Work.”

All these discuss the ways we can program the brain to solve problems while we’re sleeping. It takes time and persistence, but it works. I’ve done it myself!

My question is this: should we be doing it regularly?

Yes, it takes some consistency to train the sleeping brain to respond to direction. But after the training period, do we really want to keep our brain on-task 24 hours a day? It seems like we’ll be making robots out of ourselves.

Sure, if there is a pressing problem and we can’t seem to find the solution after a few days of concentrating on it (awake time), hand it over to the sleeping brain for help. Makes sense to me. After all, I am a proponent of whole-brain thinking.
But the sleeping brain already has its own agenda: processing daily activities, stressors, joys, experiences, thoughts, input in its own, subconscious way. It takes our awake time and sorts it out, works it through, and puts it aside with a finesse we couldn’t create if we tried. It’s already at work while we sleep.

My concern is that if we take the sleeping brain away from its subconscious, free-and-do-it-the-way-it-knows-best processes regularly, what will happen to the things that are usually processed at night?

Like everything, I think moderation is important---yes, let’s use our subconscious mind to help solve pressing problems. But let’s pick and choose carefully what we direct our sleeping mind to do…and leave it to its own brilliant work, in its own way, most of the (night)time.

Any thoughts?

---Batya

QBQ Rant

2008-08-25T18:01:00.002-05:00

NEWS:
www.UPositive.com is up and running! YAY! Come on by and visit---you can connect to the goal attainment and creativity challenge videos, the eBook (see below), the relaxation CD, merchandise in the shop, and all sorts of information from UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching as well as Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy (and the difference). Thanks for your patience!

The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People is now up and available in eBook format!!! It’s fully copyrighted, with an ISBN number all its own and registered at the Library of Congress! Even better, it’s illustrated by Shirley Geier, and some of the merchandise matches up with some of the information in the eBook!

The second eBook in the series, The UPositive Guide to Time Management for Creative People is due out in September.

The UPositive Relaxation and Visualization Technique audio CD is available from the website at http://www.upositive.com/. Great background music by Tom Roady helps you follow the gentle instructions to relax and see your dreams!

Mark Friday evening, September 19, from 6 to 9 pm in your calendars for the official opening celebration of UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching! More information is coming here and through the first newsletter, which should be going out sometime next week. (If you’d like an evite and the info, or to be on the mailing list in general, please email me at Batya@UPositive.com or UPositive55@aol.com).

The first 9 sayings from UPositive’s Batya Sez… shop are now available for purchase through http://www.cafepress.com/UPositive. The next nine are in the works---I’ll let you know through this blog and the newsletter when they’re ready! It’s never too early to shop for Christmas and Hanukah and Kwanzaa, and it’s never the wrong day to buy yourself a gift!

The Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy practice has a few openings for new clients in Nashville; please email UPositive55@aol.com for more information. We can talk about depression, anxiety, mood swings, ADD, and family and relationship issues.

UPositive’s Creativity and Life Coaching practice is available locally, but also through telephone and Internet-based services. Please visit the website http://www.upositive.com/ or contact me Batya@UPositive.com for more information.

QBQ Rant

My friend and one of my business mentors, Tim Cummings, mentioned the best-selling book, QBQ, The question behind the question to me last week. Like a good mentoree, I rushed out to get it. And read it in one sitting. It’s a great book.

But I wonder---why do we even need this book? It’s all about the “right” and “wrong” questions people ask in business and other life situations. The “wrong” questions are those that place blame on others, that look outside the self for cause and excuses.

The “right” questions are those that take personal responsibility for problems and mishaps in our lives. The questions that lead us to personal accountability, especially in businesses, organizations, and families.

Here’s my rant: This is about as much “news” as “The Secret” is a secret.

Hasn’t life and personal growth always been about personal responsibility? Of course, we don’t create the world around us. We’re not responsible for every starving child or raped elder on the planet. But if these things bother us, we are responsible to do something about it---even if that’s as simple as donating a few dollars to a related cause.

We’re here to participate in life. To learn and grow. And to reach the best potential of our own selves.

We can’t do that if we’re constantly looking to others for the “whys” and the “how comes” and the “who did thats”: we can only grow and fulfill our personal potential by participating in the world around us with “how can I help” and “how can I change things for the better” and “what can I do?”

This is a wonderful little book for a reminder of this more positive attitude.

And at UPositive, we’re all about positive attitude! And about people reaching their own potential! And about participating to the best extent we can in the present moment. And helping others to do the same, without judgment, without blame; with love and care and concern and inspiration.

Read the book! It’ll fill your heart with determination and energy! QBQ: The Question Behind the Question, by John G. Miller.

As always, I invite your comments, questions, thoughts on this or other topics!

--Batya

Expect the Unexpected

2008-08-14T17:18:00.003-05:00

NEWS:

The website, www.UPositive.com, is up and running, except for the newsletter signup and refer to a friend links. If you’d like either of these, please email me directly at Batya@UPositive.com from outside the website. Thanks for your patience.

The second set of Creativity Challenge and Goal Attainment Tip videos are up on www.YouTube.com/UPositive, or through www.UPositive.com. Take a look! Let me know what you think!

The first eBook in the series, The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People, should be available by the end of this weekend…August 17. The second eBook, The UPositive Guide to Time Management for Creative People is due out in September.

The UPositive Relaxation and Visualization audio CD is available from the website at www.UPositive.com.

Mark Friday evening, September 19, from 6 to 9 pm in your calendars for the official opening celebration of UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching! More information is coming here and through the first newsletter, which should be going out sometime next week. (If you’d like an evite and the info, or to be on the mailing list in general, please email me at Batya@UPositive.com or UPositive55@aol.com).

The first 9 sayings from UPositive’s Batya Sez… shop are now available for purchase through http://www.cafepress.com/UPositive. The next nine are in the works---I’ll let you know through this blog and the newsletter when they’re ready! It’s never to early to shop for Christmas and Hanukah and Kwanzaa, and it’s never the wrong day to buy yourself a gift!

The Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy practice has a few openings for new clients in Nashville; please email UPositive55@aol.com for more information. We can talk about depression, anxiety, mood swings, ADD, and family and relationship issues.

UPositive’s Creativity and Life Coaching practice is available locally, but also through telephone and Internet-based services. Please visit the website www.UPositive.com or contact me Batya@UPositive.com for more information.

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

Sorry this blog is late again this week, but I didn’t expect the unexpected and have been preoccupied with positive but time-consuming emergencies. So I thought I’d address the issue head-on.

In goal setting, establishing to-do lists, setting today-ables into planners, managing time, business planning, and pretty much everything else, we tend to work with linear, clock time. It should take 20 minutes to go to and from the corner grocery for a gallon of milk and some eggs, so we schedule 20 minutes. I can write for 15 minutes every morning---no problem! Creating a CD should require about two week’s worth of work, then about two hours in a studio.

And then life happens.

Life happening is not a problem: we want life to happen. If everything we did came in fifteen- and twenty-minute, or even two-hour, tick-tocking segments, we’d bore ourselves to death. So life happening---meeting an old colleague at the grocery store and stopping for a cup of coffee to catch up; finally getting into the secondary character’s head and heart and typing a pivotal scene for an hour and a half without taking a breath; getting to the studio and being treated to a half-hour tour and demonstration of fascinating drums of the world---these are the joys of life. But we hadn’t scheduled them.

Life doesn’t happen in linear time. It scoffs at linear time. Thunder isn’t the Norse gods bowling---it’s the deep belly laughs of the Universe at all the linear-time planning we do. There’s that old adage: If you want to make God laugh, make a plan.

For creative people, getting in the zone is the goal to get to the goal of doing our creative work. The Zone is clockless.

So do we make a big bonfire and through all the DayTimers, DayRunners, calendars, pdas, and Palm Pilots in it? No. Not at all.

We expect the unexpected (sorry for the cliché, Heather, but it’s a cliché because it holds truth). We plan for the unplannable.

The best way to sew a button on something is to stick a pin under where your thread loops go, then take the pin out when you’re done. Why? Because it provides just enough give so that your taut stitches won’t rip at the first tug on the button. The tree that bends in the wind lives through the storm. (ok, old, used, but gets my point across)

When you do schedule your to-doables from your goals list, when you apply time management to your activities, add in some extra time---an hour or two a day.

I can feel the panic. Yours. Mine. But…but…I have so much to do. I already can’t get to it all. Take an hour or two a day to do nothing?

Not at all. Take an hour or two a day to participate in life. To have some breathing space. To take the tension out of things. To talk to a friend you meet on the street. To let a character have her way on the page. To explore a new combination of dance movements inspired by the piece you must get choreographed. To flip through a magazine that catches your eye as you rush to get your research on green insulation for new structures finished.

And if, at the end of the day, you haven’t used up your extra time, take a bubble bath, read a book, put your feet up and just breathe…that’s right…get the air into your body and feed yourself some extra oxygen! Catch up on sleep (the way to do that properly is to get to bed earlier, not to sleep late in the morning), if nothing else. You’ll have more energy and clarity the next day, so you’ll be more productive in the time you do schedule your work and creative endeavors.

--Batya

Permission Granted

2008-08-04T08:14:00.004-05:00

News!
Website is almost fully functioning---please visit it at www.UPositive.com. I’d love feedback. The email link isn’t quite working yet, but we’re getting the kinks out. Email remains UPositive55@aol.com for the time being.

Products are halfway there! Nine of the first 18 sayings are available on T-shirts, mugs, coasters, mousepads, magnets, caps, and bumper stickers! Check them out at http://www.cafepress.com/UPositive. Remember---Christmas decorations are out in some stores already, so it’s about time to stock up on stocking stuffers and gifts for yourself and others! If you see a saying you like but would prefer it on a different product, drop me an email and I’ll see what I can do.

SEPTEMBER 19—BIG OFFICIAL UPositive OPENING PARTY!! If you’re in Nashville, TN, drop me an email at UPositive55@aol.com and I’ll send you an invite. Door prizes, fun, great networking opportunity for everyone! Food and wine and creative people everywhere!

PERMISSION GRANTED

One of the joys of my career is to watch people as they realize that going for their personal and professional goals really is ‘okay.’ So many people learn (from parents, teachers, religious leaders, etc.) that working toward their heart’s and soul’s desire is ‘selfish,’ or ‘impossible,’ or ‘just a pipe dream.’

It isn’t. Those things that excite you, that impassion you, that fire up the light in your eyes and the energy in your face---those are goals to go for!

There are clients who come to me hoping it’s okay to say aloud the dreams they’ve carried around silently. That tense up when we start describing and outlining those dreams, taking the first steps toward changing them into goals. As they see the steps emerge on paper…actual actions they can take to live the life they really want…a transformation occurs.

I love watching it.

The anxiety drops and their faces clear. The hazy dullness of their eyes clears and sparks fly. Their backs straighten and their shoulders drop and open. Their voices shift, soften yet become stronger. They breathe deeper. Sometimes they cry.

They become their selves---their centered, empowered selves.

I’m blessed to be present during their transformation, and very thankful that they allow me to see it and experience it with them.

So let me give you all permission---right here and right now---to turn your dreams into goals, your goals into steps, your actions into success!

(Really, you need no one’s permission, except your inner self: but, sometimes, hearing it from someone else helps.)

(One caveat: this applies to dreams and goals that do no harm to others---of course.)

Have any of you experienced this? The moment when you have permission---from yourself or someone else---to claim your dreams? What did it feel like? What changed for you?

---Batya

Catch-Up Days

2008-07-28T09:15:00.002-05:00

News

The www.UPositive.com website is definitely up and crawling. It should be up and running soon! Please visit and send me any suggestions or comments for improving it---or just congrats on having it out there (finally)!!! (The subscribe part of the e-newsletter signup isn’t working yet, so if you’d like to be on my mailing list---once every two weeks plus breaking news on rare occasions---please send your email address to me at Batya@UPositive.com from your email---not from the website. It should be fixed soon.)

Look for an announcement soon about a UPositive opening celebration being scheduled for September or October. We’re actively looking for a room, and a date. It’s going to be fun, with door prizes and comedy-relief included! I’ll post the time/date/place here as soon as I have it!

Catch-Up Days

No matter how much visualization, planning, organizing, and scheduling we do, life has a habit of jumping up and grabbing our time and attention. Things take longer than we thought, steps show up we hadn’t thought of, and distractions arise that turn into either needed breaks or necessary additions to our goals lists.

After a week or two, when we review our to-do lists or goals outline, it’s natural to wonder where the time went. Didn’t we plan right? Didn’t we choose the right steps? Are we out of sequence? Where did we go wrong?

It’s worthwhile to check ourselves and correct any mistakes or miscalculations we’ve made. Think of goal attainment as sailing…you don’t get from here to there in a straight line. You tack from side to side, using the weather and the wind to power your journey.

Sometimes, though, it’s not what we’ve done but just life itself that “gets in the way”---and not necessarily negatively. Trust me, if Robert Redford knocked on my door I’d throw my entire to-do list for the week away in a heartbeat, invite him in, and take as long as possible to have a really deep conversation. (Of course, that conversation is on my goals list, it’s just not scheduled into my DayTimer this week.)

So what do we do?

Expect the unexpected. An old adage with a lot of wisdom to it.

What does that mean? For me, it means scheduling in what I call a “catch-up day.” I try to do it every two or three weeks, before the “leftovers” from my DayTimer turn sour or proliferate to overwhelming proportions. Knowing I have the space and time to catch up also releases the stress from seeing leftovers on my to-do list.

A catch-up day is on the schedule with nothing much else around it. I might take a break to go for a walk, or to the gym, but that’s about it. I take out my daily planner, and my goals lists and spend some time reviewing where I’ve been, where I am now, and anything that might be missing. I add and subtract items from the goals list. I go through my to-do lists from the past few weeks and make a list of things I didn’t get to do. Then I schedule those into the next week or two. I update my calendar.

Usually I take the time to re-visualize my goals. Closing my eyes, returning to my relaxed state, I pull up the visualizations of my life five years from now, then three, then next year. By then I have re-energized myself, and I’m ready to get going. This also serves to shortcut the guilt trip I might otherwise pull: “Oy, I should have done that last week”; “How could I have forgotten to call my friend?”; “The meeting was two weeks ago and I haven’t sent my notes yet---why bother, they’ll have forgotten me anyway.” I, like many of you, can go on and on with that goblin-voice in my head. Re-visualizing quiets that voice. Excitement is always more powerful than worry.

After all the organization of my catch-up day morning, I might spend some of the afternoon making some calls or sending some emails that were lost in the rush. Do the follow-up from networking. Send thank you notes. Send great-to-meet you notes. If there are small, quick tasks that fall by the wayside, I might do a few of those, just to check them off the list.

Often, after a catch-up day, I feel refreshed, reorganized, re-inspired. And I try to remember the goals listed under “mental health/relaxation/replenish my mind-body-spirit.” Catch-up days are great for the bubble bath or manicure I’ve been putting off because I’ve been running around too fast trying to GetItAllDone.

So take a day every two to three weeks and play catch-up with yourself!

Do you have your own version of catching up with yourself? Please share it with us along with any other thoughts about this post!!

--Batya

Aha! vs Just Do It! Creativity Controversy

2008-07-22T08:20:00.002-05:00

News!

The www.UPositive.com website is up and crawling…there are some editorial changes and some additions still in process, so it won’t quite be up and running for a few more days (next week?). Please visit! Please give me feedback at Batya@UPositive.com.

The Batya Sez… shop (you can reach it through the Shop page on the website, or directly through www.cafepress.com/UPositive is working! It needs a lot of editing, and so far has only T-shirts and mousepads for half the motivational/inspirational/slightly cynical/and just plain funny sayings that will soon be there. At some point in the near future, there will be caps and mugs, magnets and coasters, bumper stickers, and more…and nine more sayings! Check it out---get yourself or someone you know a gift…and come back often! (I don’t think the Thank-You page is connected yet, so let me say Thank You now!

The first eBook….The UPositive Guide to Goal Attainment for Creative People…is waiting for its isbn number and for me to figure out which server(?) to attach it to. So…foreseeable future!

The Aha! or Just Do It! Creativity Controversy

I’ve been joining a lot of social/business networks lately, and visiting some interesting forums. This week, one of them focused on the question of creativity and moods, or style of creativity. The musician/songwriter wondered if people thought it better to create from those moments of inspiration or from sitting down and forcing the creative act. Here’s my response, with a bit more detail than I fit in the post:

I think it's (d) all of the above.

The more you use your right brain, the more open it is to receiving input, and the more available it is to you. Although that's not quite right.

The right brain is always receiving input: sensory, emotive, whole-picture (forest-type), metaphorical. The trick is opening the path from right to left brain---bringing it into awareness and available thought (left brain). It's cleaning up, calling in the road crews, and widening the corpus callosum, which is the connector between right and left brains. The more you use it, the easier its use becomes. You want to introduce your right brain to your left brain and get them talking to each other.

Personally, I sometimes write with that sudden "Aha!" inspiration. Other times, sit me down in a nice comfy chair, with pen(cil) and paper or laptop, tell me "write!" and it happens. When I was working on Barbie fashions, I could grab a piece of material and a doll, without any preconceived idea, and just start draping. Sometimes, though, I’d walk through my workday with an image of a dress floating just behind my eyes, rush home, and execute the piece---with or without a sketch.

I realize not everyone works this way, and I'm not saying it's the best or worst way to do it---the creative process and judgment don't go well together, until you get to the Edit stage.

First---figure out your own style, and encourage it. Organize your time as best as possible around those activities or triggers that already invite your Muse in. If you write best in the morning, wake up early with your inspiration open. If you design best late at night, clear a space in your home where you won’t bother others as they sleep. Maximize what already works for you.

Then, encourage your brains to talk to each other any time, everywhere. Beckon up your Muse: invent a chant, light a candle, find a talisman---create a small ritual to call him/her present. With some repetition, this works remarkably well. The Muse, after all, comes through the right---symbolic---brain.

Practice, practice, practice. Sweep and stretch the corpus callosum, let your right and left brains sit down to coffee together regularly. Train them to pay respectful attention to each other, to inform each other of their needs.

Any other thoughts on the Aha! vs Just Do It creativity controversy?

--Batya

Fear of Success/Fear of Failure

2008-07-15T07:25:00.003-05:00

News!

The new August-September 2008 videos will be up by the end of the week. The new UPositive Creativity and Life Coaching Goal Attainment Tip is about making decisions, and the Creativity Challenge focuses on synesthesia (“joined perception”). Take a look/listen at www.YouTube.com/UPositive. Thank you Lance!

The first items from Batya Sez… UPositive’s product line of motivational, inspirational, slightly cynical, and just plain fun sayings on caps and T-shirts, mousepads and mugs, magnets and more should also be available by the end of this week. You can find them through the Shop link at www.UPositive.com or through www.CafePress.com/UPositive (I haven’t tested this link yet…if it changes I’ll post the new one here next Monday). The second batch of items should be available in another week or so.

The Website, www.UPositive.com, is semi-functional!!!! There are some important changes that will be posted in a few days; the eBook is ready but not yet connected to the site, and the Links page is not up-to-date but will be soon. Feel free to wander around the site and let me know what you think!

Look for a big grand opening party in mid-September! Details will be available by the end of this month!

Fear of Failure/Fear of Success

In the past two weeks, the topic of fear in relation to creative activity and/or goal attainment has come up a number of times. I’m not going to address the difference between the fear of failure vs the fear of success here, because the results are the same: we become stuck, inactive, unable to accomplish our desires, and often depressed.

Fear is an interesting emotion. Most of our emotions reside in the right brain. Fear, on the other hand, seems to originate in the left brain, jump the dividing line of the corpus callosum, and take up residence in the right brain. There, it masquerades as an intense emotion rather than the belief(s) that it is.

“I might fail,” is a thought, not an emotion, and the resulting beliefs, such as “I’m not good enough,” or “Then I am worthless,” or “Then no one will love me,” or many other possible thoughts jump up with it. Sometimes they’re just under the surface of awareness, but with a bit of scratching through, we’ll find them.

When we allow fear of failure/success to run our lives, to make choices regarding actions on the to-do list of attaining our goals, we often fall into a depression, which further shackles our forward motion. Often, breaking through depression requires taking action no matter what: whether we feel like we want to or not. (Biochemical depression might need a biochemical response as well as taking action). Even very small activities can engender increased energy.

I think the most powerful tool to fight the fear of failure/success is courage. Courage is often a doing-it-anyway attitude. I’m going to try whether I fail or succeed. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “the only true failure is in not trying” or some such wording. Courage is something we all have because it can be made up. Courage can come from “living as if” as often as it comes from some personality strength. It can be derived from stubbornness (“I won’t let that stop me!”) and from rebelliousness (“So, left brain, you think you have the last word? I don’t think so!”). In breaking through fear of failure/success, it doesn’t really matter where your courage comes from. Gather it together and use it.

Take a look through the Shop page at UPositive.com (well, in a week or two). If you need a reminder, the “Do it Anyway” products, with their inner-goblin faces, will remind you that you’re not alone in this battle against your fears.

The other recommendation I have for addressing and conquering the fear of failure/success is to let go of your desire for perfection. We’re human: perfection belongs to God/gods/the Universe (whatever your belief, please translate to your own understanding). Accept that you’re going to fail at being perfect.

The Dine People (Navajo) added a dream thread to their weavings, which wandered through the rugs at a meandering diagonal while all the other threads were at right-angles. The Japanese build a flaw into their pottery. Both do these for the same reason: what they create should not be perfect, cannot be perfect, isn’t meant to be perfect. They’re human. Even their most successful creations are imperfect. And they see a beauty in that.

The August-September UPositive Goal Attainment video about decision-making addresses the fear of making choices, and offers a process to break through and make the best-possible choice of the moment. Take a look: it might be helpful to you.

There’s a lot more conversation possible about fear of failure/success. I’d like to hear your thoughts, suggestions, and experiences about it. Please post your comments and stories here.

Note: Primal fear---of such things as loud noises, falling, possibly the dark, large animals with sharp teeth growling at us, and, in Romania especially, Dracula, arises from our Reptilian brain, but is not the topic of this conversation.

---Batya

Welcome to the Age of the Right Brain

2008-07-08T09:55:00.001-05:00

As I sifted through a pile of months-old New York Times papers, I came across an interesting article in the Business Section of April 6th. It caught my eye with the title: “Let Computers Compute. It’s the Age of the Right Brain.” Yes!

The article, in a nutshell, emphasizes not only the importance but also the need for creativity in the business setting. This certainly isn’t a new thought, but it has taken a number of decades for it to gain some weight in the business community.

As the NYT article states, we have entered a “Creative Economy” and the “Conceptual Age.” It points out the somewhat obvious: that computers and cheap labor in Asia are now doing much of the left-brain work of the previous American workforce. The left-brain work of creating and using computers, which can now handle many of the sequential skills of that hemisphere, has made much of its own work obsolete.

The left brain is outsourcing and automating itself. For instance, can you remember the last time a live person answered a business phone? Or when customer service for a product didn’t start out (and for the most part complete) your problems by computer?

Business Coaches may well be at the forefront of encouraging creative thinking in corporate America. They use brainstorming (a right-brain activity), drawing, journaling, and other right-brain activities to teach problem-solving from new angles. Thinking outside the box is now encouraged in many major corporations, at least on the management level.

That’s great news!

I think, however, that it’s going to take a while for it to trickle down to the mid-size company, and certainly longer to trickle down to below management level, if it ever does. Is that a hint of cynicism? Yes. I’d love to hear experiences that prove me wrong about it, though.

It’s a good sign, anyway. Certainly, the fact that creativity in the business setting is addressed by the New York Times Business Section, means that the topic is up for conversation. Entering the awareness of the general populace, creativity just might have a positive effect in places we can only imagine (yup, with our right brains!).

It’s my firm belief that the more we use our right brain in all areas of our lives, as individuals, as groups, as communities, as businesses, as a country…the better off we’ll be. The right brain sees the whole picture---it sees humanity as one thing, for instance---rather than categorizing. Certainly, there are more than enough prejudiced artists, writers, singers, et cetera in the creative community, but taking an educated guess I imagine the percentage is lower than in the general population. The right brain tends to be inclusive and sees similarities; it puts things together in patterns the left brain is too busy categorizing to notice.

And anything that encourages creative productivity in any form is on the plus side of my ledger-of-life.

So I’m on board to welcome the “Conceptual Age”---bring it on! My right brain is ready: is yours?

--Batya

The Best Laid Plans...

2008-07-01T09:19:00.000-05:00

I’ve been contemplating the realities of life lately, after hearing stories from a number of my friends about not reaching their goals. What happens when you’ve envisioned your goals, set them, planned the steps to them, taken the steps, remained positive, and still not reached your goals?

My first response is to revisit the process: Is the vision detailed? Anchored through the senses? Can you really feel the accomplishment when you imagine it? Have you held that vision with you during the process, revisiting it over and over? Were there steps that you skipped? Was your positive attitude surface only, or were you committed to it?

These are not questions to make anyone “wrong” but a review similar to what is done in any business to learn where to improve, where to tweak the process, where to redirect energy.

Other questions arise: Is this the goal you really want---or one you think you should want? Is there another path to take to reach it?

Can you still work toward the goal? Is it the timing you set for yourself what you’ve failed at? If so, readjust your calendar. Find alternate steps to take. Perhaps there’s a skill you need to learn, new people to meet, someone you need to hire to help you along the way.

If you’ve decided to abandon this particular goal, there are some steps I recommend while doing so. (1) Take a good look at how much you’ve accomplished and learned along the way. (2) What other goals did you accomplish to get as far as you have? (3) How does the process you’ve been through apply to your future?

I truly believe that every honest endeavor we undertake has value. Perhaps gleaning the value from what we term “failure” is the real treasure.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Have there been times when you did not reach the goals you set for yourself? What did you do? What have you learned from the process. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

--Batya

Websites and Babies

2008-06-16T17:27:00.003-05:00

(Old) News

The Nashville Goal-Attainment Meetup continues on Tuesdays at 6 pm. Please sign up for this empowering group at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/. I'll be guiding people through a supportive process of getting to the goals they've already chosen. This is the Getting It Done! chance for success! Creative and everyday goals are welcome. It's an open group: come when you can!

Time Management for Creative People will be presented at the Songwriter’s Guild of America the next two Thursdays (19th and 26th) of June. Please go to www.songwritersguild.com to sign up. I’ll be presenting the seminar over two evenings: Thursdays, June 19th and 26th. First step in Time Management: put it on your calendars now! We’ll be talking about organizing, scheduling, and a lot more than that! As usual in my workshops, I’ll be addressing the special issues creative folks face in accomplishing left-brain activities such as managing time. We’ll be doing some fun right-brain activities, too. Conquering time management (yes, wear your chain-mail outfits!) leaves you more time to succeed with your creative endeavors! So, what are you waiting for? Seating is (really and truly) limited, so reserve now. Kimberly’s waiting to hear from you!

Website News The to-do list to get www.UPositive.com up and running is now less than a page long, double-spaced! The two May videos are still up on YouTube, and will stay up for the month of June...and maybe July. Check them out and enter the creativity challenge! I’m still looking for help in creating a virtual party for the day when www.UPositive.com is up and running!

My first eBook, Goal Attainment for Creative People, is being edited by my wonderful friend Elysabeth Eldering and will be available through the www.UPositive.com Website once that’s up, so please look for it there! Next goal is to create some fun products related to creativity, goal attainment, and just plain silliness; they’ll be available from CafePress.com in a week or two, and there will be a link from the Website.

TEN TOP REASONS WHY CREATING A WEBSITE IS LIKE HAVING A BABY

This week's blog is going to be short and sweet. It'll explain all you need to know about where I am with the Website.

10. You eat a lot during its gestation, especially chocolate.
9. It takes about 9 months to get it out in the world.
8. Web designer is as costly---and as necessary---as an obstetrician.
7. It requires all your attention, all the time.
6. It wants to grow up big and strong quicker than it’s ready to.
5. It gets into trouble every time you try to ignore it for a minute.
4. It (well, you) gets very whiny, cries, and even throws things.
3. It doesn’t always play well with others (blogs, YouTube, etc.)
2. You have to arrange for play dates (links).
1. It gets jealous whenever you try to accomplish something else.

Creativity & "Madness" 2nd look

2008-06-10T11:45:00.004-05:00

News and not-so-new news
The Nashville Goal-Attainment Meetup continues on Tuesdays at 6 pm. Please sign up for this empowering group at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/. This is the Getting It Done! chance for success! Ifyou really want to create the life you dream of, this is the place that can help you get it done! Creative and everyday goals are welcome. It's an open group: come when you can!

Time Management for Creative People will be presented at the Songwriter’s Guild of America on June 18th and 26th (both are Thursday evenings). That's next week, people! Please go to www.songwritersguild.com to sign up. First step in Time Management: put it on your calendars now! We’ll be talking about organizing, scheduling, and a lot more than that! As usual in my workshops, I’ll be addressing the special issues creative folks face in accomplishing left-brain activities such as managing time. We’ll be doing some fun right-brain activities, too. Managing time leads to increased success in your creative endeavors! So, what are you waiting for? Seating is (really and truly) limited, so reserve now. Kimberly’s waiting to hear from you!

Website News The to-do list to get www.UPositive.com up and running is showing some actual check-it's-done marks! The two May videos remain up on YouTube. Check them out and enter the creativity challenge! They'll be there throughout June, too; I'll aim to start new ones on a monthly basis in July. Does anyone know how to create a virtual party for the day when www.UPositive.com is up and running?

My first eBook, Goal Attainment for Creative People, will available from the Webite as soon as it's active. I’m also busy creating some fun products---coffee mugs, T-shirts, caps, magnets, etc.---related to creativity, goal attainment, and just plain silliness. Does anyone out there know how to maneuver in CafePress.com?

CREATIVITY & MADNESS (2nd look)
There’s actually an annual week-long seminar out in Santa Fe that I’m planning to attend one of these years, by that title. Intriguing workshops, though most are based on examining the work of a particular well-known artist (broadest definition of the term), usually past, in the light of their mental health issues or personality quirks. It leaves much to be desired, as far as I can tell, but the title of the retreat draws me to it, hopefully not in the moth-to-flame kind of way.

What interests me much more are inquiries into the chicken-or-egg type of controversy over “madness” and creativity. Most of the studies I’ve read approach the topic with how the symptoms of a mental health diagnosis---such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder---affect the creative process, either feeding it or detracting from it.

Many salient points are explored in those approaches: how the listlessness and lack of energy of depression keep writers from their work; how being unable to focus leaves many artistic works unfinished, frustrating the artist; how anxiety about failure or success leaves many works unmarketed, or even uncreated.

I like this approach, as it provides quite a bit of insight into problems my friends, colleagues, and clients face.

But it leaves something out. Something I’ve experienced myself, and something---once I broach the topic---many creative people relate to.

Avoiding creative action can exacerbate the symptoms of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, ADD, OCD, or any number of other “madnesses.” When I have stories or songs brewing inside me and don’t make the time to release them onto paper or laptop, a particular kind of frustration sets in. If I continue to avoid creating, the frustration turns to anger, or anxiety, or a cloudlike depression that begins to affect my mood and other activities. It slows me down, though I tend to try to speed up in everything I do.

Truth is, if I don't make time for the creative outflow, no matter how fast I think I'm doing everything else, I tend to wander in circles. It takes more hours to accomplish fewer tasks. My attention, my life-force, my internal Power is off-kilter, mucking up the clarity with which I otherwise work.

What are your experiences: does your anxiety/depression/etc. work for or against your creativity? Does your avoidance of creativity increase or decrease your mental-health symptoms? I'd love to read your thoughts on the topic!

--Batya

Lost in Cyberia

2008-06-05T09:31:00.003-05:00

Apologies to anyone who is kind enough to read this blog regularly and is wondering where this week's post is....it being Thursday and my usual posts occur on Monday (well, maybe Tuesday morning).

The Website is coming along...it'll be ready any time now...

I have been lost in Cyberia for the past two weeks trying to get it ready! There's sooooo much to it! Debbie at Digiroo.com has been wonderful, and patient, and kind, and brilliant in doing the web-building and designing....it's going to be great!

(I've also been fighting a bad tooth infection, and on meds...it might not have been an intelligent post anyway!)

New posts will return this coming Monday, June `9.

In the meantime, sign up with the Songwriter's Guild of America for the two-evening seminar on Time Management for Creative People. You'll have more time for your creative pursuits, get more done, and feel less frazzled by the end of it! http://www.songwritersguild.com/

The Goal Attainment Meetup of Nashville still meets Tuesday evenings at 6 pm for those of you willing to put effort into your dreams and aspirations. We won't be meeting the first Tuesday of the month because Chuck Whiting just asked me to help emcee his Tunesmithing Nights at Borders (I'll get you that link!). Check out the details for the Meetup at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/.

Have a wonderful weekend. See you on Monday!

--Batya

Freedom

2008-05-26T13:14:00.003-05:00

The Nashville Goal-Attainment Meetup continues on Tuesdays at 6 pm. Please sign up for this empowering group at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/. I'll be guiding people through a supportive process of getting to the goals they've already chosen. This is the Getting It Done! chance for success! Creative and everyday goals are welcome. It's an open group: come when you can! We meet May 27, then skip a week for Chuck Whiting/SGA’s Tunesmithing at Border’s on West End---come join us!. We meet again June 10 if you miss tomorrow’s goals meeting.

Time Management for Creative People will be presented at the Songwriter’s Guild of America in June. June is soon, people! Please go to http://www.songwritersguild.com/ to sign up. I’ll be presenting the seminar over two evenings: Thursdays, June 19th and 26th. First step in Time Management: put it on your calendars now! We’ll be talking about organizing, scheduling, and a lot more than that! As usual in my workshops, I’ll be addressing the special issues creative folks face in accomplishing left-brain activities such as managing time. We’ll be doing some fun right-brain activities, too. Conquering time management (yes, wear your chain-mail outfits!) leaves you more time to succeed with your creative endeavors! So, what are you waiting for? Seating is (really and truly) limited, so reserve now. Kimberly’s waiting to hear from you!

Website News The to-do list to get www.UPositive.com up and running is now less than a page long, double-spaced! The two May videos are up on YouTube, and will stay up for the month of June. Check them out and enter the creativity challenge! I’m still looking for help in creating a virtual party for the day when www.UPositive.com is up and running!

My first eBook, Goal Attainment for Creative People, is being edited by my wonderful friend Elysabeth Eldering and will be available through the www.UPositive.com Website once that’s up, so please look for it there! Next goal is to create some fun products related to creativity, goal attainment, and just plain silliness; they’ll be available from CafePress.com in a week or two, and there will be a link from the Website.

Freedom

It’s Memorial Day. Day of memories. Day of being thankful to those who have given their lives for our freedoms.

I keep reminding myself that freedom isn’t about how far I can afford to drive in my car this week, given the rising gas prices: it’s about the right to go where I want when I want to, even if I have to walk! Freedom isn’t about which candidate I’m going to vote for: it’s about being able to go to the polls unaccosted in order to vote.

Like many Americans, I love my country: at the same time, I appreciate having the freedom to criticize it, admonish it for not living up to its own high ideals, and speaking out against the injustices I see it perpetrating. This doesn’t make me less American---it makes me more American. Participating in the government isn’t just a right, I believe it’s a responsibility.

My challenge to anyone reading this blog is to write / sculpt / dance / sing / build / whittle / knit your creative expression of freedom.

If you’d like to post it here to share with others---please do!

And thank you to all those who have given their lives so that we are free to continue in the expression and experience of our freedoms in America.

--Batya

Preparation, or the Fixin' To of Goal Attainment

2008-05-19T17:03:00.007-05:00

News and not-so-new news

The Nashville Goal-Attainment Meetup continues on Tuesdays at 6 pm. Please sign up for this empowering group at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/. I'll be guiding people through a supportive process of getting to the goals they've already chosen. This is the Getting It Done! chance for success! Creative and everyday goals are welcome. It's an open group: come when you can!

Time Management for Creative People will be presented at the Songwriter’s Guild of America in June. June is soon, people! Please go to www.songwritersguild.com to sign up. I’ll be presenting the seminar over two evenings: Thursdays, June 19th and 26th. First step in Time Management: put it on your calendars now! We’ll be talking about organizing, scheduling, and a lot more than that! As usual in my workshops, I’ll be addressing the special issues creative folks face in accomplishing left-brain activities such as managing time. We’ll be doing some fun right-brain activities, too. Conquering time management (yes, wear your chain-mail outfits!) leaves you more time to succeed with your creative endeavors! So, what are you waiting for? Seating is (really and truly) limited, so reserve now. Kimberly’s waiting to hear from you!

Website News The to-do list to get www.UPositive.com up and running is now less than a page long, double-spaced! The two May videos are up on YouTube, though they need a little tweaking, which should be done by tomorrow (Tuesday). Check them out and enter the creativity challenge! I think they'll be there for June, too; I'll aim to start new ones on a monthly basis in July. Does anyone know how to create a virtual party for the day when www.UPositive.com is up and running?

My first eBook, Goal Attainment for Creative People, should be ready in about a week. It'll be available on the Website, so please look for it there! I'm also trying to create some fun products related to creativity, goal attainment, and just plain silliness. Does anyone out there know how to maneuver in CafePress.com?

Preparation, or the Fixin' To of Goal Attainment

Since moving to the mid-South a little more than a decade ago, it took a while to figure out what "fixin' to" meant. Didn't you just decide to do something, wake up in the morning, and do it? What's this "fixin' to" thing?

I figured it out when I painted my house. Waking up one morning, I was determined to paint the living room. So I went and picked a paint color. Then I bought the right brushes and rollers. Since I planned on faux paint, I needed to test out a number of bags/rags/cloths until I found the one that produced the right effect. Reading the labels of the various paints came next. Laying down painter's cloth...taping the edges of the walls...stopping for lunch...answering the phone...changing into clothes I could get rid of at the end of the project...covering my hair...by the time I was ready, it was too late in the evening to get started.

I'd been busy all day---I swear I was! Exhausted! But not a wall had been painted, not even touched by a brush or roller or rag. So what had I done?

That's where the "fixin' to" started making sense. I hadn't been painting, but I'd sure spent the whole day fixin' to paint!

What does this have to do with goal attainment?

Everything. It isn't enough to write a hasty list of goals and expect that you'll start in the morning and attain them. Being successful requires planning, takes time, needs effort, and demands attention to detail. It's worth the time and energy to wrestle your goals into shape, organize them into an outline or plan, divide them into steps that are small enough to accomplish one day at a time, and affirm them regularly.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Doing something well necessitates preparation.

Successful chefs have assistants whose only job is to prep the meal: cut the veggies, line up the ingredients, etc. How many rehearsals does it take before a performance is presented to the public? I'm on the fifth draft of my first novel...and I'm sure it needs a sixth and seventh.

Your future success is worth proper preparation. Take the time to luxuriate in the visualizations; write and rewrite your goals in positive wording; schedule the small steps that you can accomplish this week and next.

So get fixin'! You'll be ahead of the game and so much closer to attaining your dreams!

--Batya

Approaches to Life

2008-05-13T15:14:00.002-05:00

Reminders
The Nashville Goal-Attainment Meetup begins Tuesday, May 13 a 6 pm. Please sign up for this empowering group at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/. I'll be guiding people through a supportive process of getting to the goals they've already chosen. This is the Getting It Done! chance for success! Creative and everyday goals are welcome. If you can’t make it on the 13th, we’ll be meeting every Tuesday---it’s an open group: come when you can!

Time Management for Creative People will be presented at the Songwriter’s Guild of America in June. June is soon, people! Please go to www.songwritersguild.com to sign up. I’ll be presenting the seminar over two evenings: Thursdays, June 19th and 26th. First step in Time Management: put it on your calendars now! We’ll be talking about organizing, scheduling, and a lot more than that! As usual in my workshops, I’ll be addressing the special issues creative folks face in accomplishing left-brain activities such as managing time. We’ll be doing some fun right-brain activities, too. Conquering time management (yes, wear your chain-mail outfits!) leaves you more time to succeed with your creative endeavors! So, what are you waiting for? Seating is (really and truly) limited, so reserve now. Kimberly’s waiting to hear from you!

Website News
www.UPositive.com is still in the works…closer…ever closer. My videos will be on YouTube also, and might even be there before the Web is up. My Web-designer/mistress Debbie Gordon (www.digiroo.com) is still waving her magic cyber-wand and promises…soon! Trust me, I’ll let everyone know when www.UPositive..com is up and running!

Styles of Tasting Life

One of UPositive Life Coaching’s clients voiced concerns about all her interests and often coming to a standstill because she can’t decide among her many choices. I’ve heard this so many times, especially from creative people. Barbara Sher, in her book Refuse to Choose writes extensively on the subject, and if you or someone you know often faces this ‘problem,’ I highly recommend reading the book.

I truly believe that people have different ways of being in the world. I don't think one way is right or wrong.

Some have one narrow path: they are here to follow it, know what it is, and do it. My nephew is like that. Brilliant, wonderful kid. He knew as a junior (maybe earlier) in high school that he wanted to be a lawyer...he joined the debate team, did all sorts of things related, took relevant courses in college, will be entering his final year in law school in the fall. It's his single passion. Unfortunately, he considers himself too single-minded, and is now looking at developing interests outside law and school---and it's very hard for him to do that. He's like a friend of mine with one or two restaurants the prefer to dine at, where they always order the same, favorite dish. They're happy doing that.

Other people have a multitude of interests. They’re here to sample as many restaurants as possible. They enjoy going to a buffet of life. A taste of this, a bite of that. What happens for them---because of the culture and time we live in, I think---is they appear to be undecided. There's a myth that we're supposed to choose something and do that, and stick to it. But if everyone followed just one path, we wouldn't need maps or AAA or Mapquest. There's an excitement for those who are made this way in experiencing a whole lot of what life has to offer. Loving the smell of fresh-baked rye bread; then kneading up some Challah just to smell the difference when it's baking. Filling one vase with only roses, the other with one of each flower in the garden.

Why force yourself into a style of life that isn’t natural for you? Why not congratulate yourself for your multiple interests? Or for your single passion?

I’m always fascinated by the diversity of how human beings approach life. That’s a large part of what drew me to my first Master’s degree in cultural anthropology, and to my second in psychotherapy. We’re such an adaptable species! A Native Philipino up at Akwesasne (Mohawk reservation, upstate New York) once said: “We take the similarities [among people] for granted; it’s the differences that we celebrate.”

What’s your style in approaching life? I’ve only mentioned two here…there are bound to be others.

--Batya

Creativity & Madness

2008-05-05T09:48:00.005-05:00

Reminder:
The Nashville Goal-Attainment Meetup begins Tuesday, May 13 at 6 pm. Please sign up for this empowering group at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/. I'll be guiding people through a supportive process of getting to the goals they've already chosen. This is the Getting It Done! chance for success! Creative and everyday goals are welcome.

Time Management for Creative People will be presented at the Songwriter’s Guild of America in June. June is soon, people! Please go to www.songwritersguild.com to sign up. I’ll be presenting the seminar over two evenings: Thursdays, June 19th and 26th. First step in Time Management: put it on your calendars now! We’ll be talking about organizing, scheduling, and a lot more than that! As usual in my workshops, I’ll be addressing the special issues creative folks face in accomplishing left-brain activities such as managing time. We’ll be doing some fun right-brain activities, too. Conquering time management (yes, wear your chain-mail outfits!) leaves you more time to succeed with your creative endeavors! So, what are you waiting for? Seating is (really and truly) limited, so reserve now. Kimberly’s waiting to hear from you!

Website News
www.UPositive.com might be up within the week. Feel free to say a little cyber-prayer for me, if you feel so moved. I spent a lot of time yesterday with my brilliant Web-designer/mistress Debbie Gordon (www.digiroo.com) reviewing what’s left before going live. I have a lot of writing to do this week. Lance has a lot of video editing to do this week. And Debbie has a lot of magic tricks to do to wrest “UPositive” domain from Yahoo! Seems Yahoo has spent the last few years tricking people and kidnapping their domain names; if you’ve signed up for “private” registration on there, you may never get your name back. We’ll see---I’m in Nashville, after all, and “when in Nashville, do as the streets do…change your name midway between here and there.” I’m thinking of starting a class-action suit against Yahoo, so if any of you have had a similar problem, please let me know. In the meantime, I’m still using UPositive55@aol.com as an email addy.

Creativity and Madness
There’s an annual conference with this name, held in Santa Fe, New Mexico every summer. I’d love to go, but haven’t gotten there yet. It’s arranged by the American Institute of Medical Education, which may explain the list of topics, which often include studies of specific artists/writers/etc. who have cut off ears, stuck heads in gas ovens, raged naked through the streets…you get the idea. They also have a smattering of talks overlaying psychotherapeutic theories on the works of various earlier artists (so they can’t argue, I suppose), as well as one or two discussions about First-Peoples’ approaches to emotional healing (wherein creativity and spirituality were more likely to mix).

Do you detect a hint of cynicism here? (who me?)

I’ve long disdained the myth (my term) that creative people are more likely than the general population to be “mad,” or suffering from mental illness, or the converse: that the mentally ill are more likely than the general population to be creative. For the past 20+ years I’ve worked with creative people as well as in community mental health clinics, where I’ve seen the entire gamut of diagnoses and a very wide range of individuals (age, size, race, ethnicity, religion, gender, political leaning, etc.). While there were certainly some very creative folks that sat across the therapy room from me, I seriously doubt the percentage was higher than if I’d been sitting in a large restaurant, or Grand Central Station. I ran a writing group for a clinic that served the recently-detoxed substance abuse population of Brooklyn, NY. Some absolutely brilliant pieces came out the ink end of their pens, but so did some poorly written work.

Last week the New York Times printed an article about this topic. They came to a similar conclusion: that no, you don’t need a mental health diagnosis---or the symptoms---to be creative. And mental illness is not a prerequisite for creativity. A number of highly successful writers reported that they would have been even more productive without the ups and downs of bipolar disorder; or the periodic, devastating inability to accomplish anything resulting from severe depression; or the fear of creating something imperfect stemming from anxiety.

So what does it take in order to be creative that has fed the myth of creativity-and-madness?

In talking with my friend (and struggling writer) Rose Marie, I came upon the theory that creativity requires an intense connection to the experience of life. The courage, I’d say (see previous blog on this topic), to let your defenses down and allow yourself to really feel the world around you, the people around you, the emotions and reactions and beliefs and energies that are present. Sometimes these are heart-wrenchingly sad, sometimes quake-in-the-boots scary, sometimes gut-shakingly funny.

Rather than requiring “madness,” which in all its forms distorts how we experience life, creativity requires strength, opening to intense emotion and thought, reaching our center, the clarity of hope and possibility. Creativity is more "magic" than "madness": you put life in one end and out the other comes a poem, a dance, a painting, a statue. Or like alchemy: put in base metals and produce the gold.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, arguments, questions about this topic! Perhaps your experience proves me wrong? Perhaps you’ve struggled with one or the other side of creativity-and-madness in your life? Please share your thoughts---whatever they are. Thanks!

--Batya

Juggling, or Time Management

2008-04-29T17:57:00.006-05:00

First of all, sorry for the late posting.

UPositive News
Drollerie Press has accepted my short story, "Mr. Wolffe's Side of the Story," for publication in their Little Red Riding Hood anthology! Check out their website, http://www.drolleriepress.com/. I'll let you all know pub date when I get it.

I swear, I swear, I swear, UPositive.com is almost up and running!

My CD, UPositive Life Coaching's Relaxation Technique, is hot off the soundboard! It'll be available for $9.99 (download; plus mailing for hard copy snail mail) on the website. After using the process a few times, your body will remember the relaxed state and you'll be able to reach it in seconds! Thank you, Tom Roady (http://www.tomroady.com/) and Big Bang Theory Studio for the excellent job and friendship!

With the expert help of Lance Yelvington (http://www.cybercountry.com/), the first two videos will be ready for the Website about when it goes live. Each month www.UPositive.com features a creativity challenge (with prize) and a goal attainment tip (May: fun). I hope you'll visit the Website more than once a month, but come by at least that often to enter the contest!

Juggling
Elysabeth, my favorite cyberperson and great support---if you've read comments on this blog, you're familiar with her---just challenged me to address the issue of time management, or, more artistically expressed, tick-tock juggling. And a very timely topic it is (couldn't resist). In June, I'll be presenting a two-part workshop through the Songwriter's Guild of America (http://www.songwritersguild.com/) on Time Management for Creative People.

I'm not going to give it all away here---not enough time, and I want you all to come to the workshop! But I'll chat a bit about some of the balls that we keep in the air (or try to) and add some pointers. Anything you would like to add, suggest, ask, challenge...please feel free to post your comments!

Similarities between juggling and time management: (1) We all want to juggle lots of balls at once; we all have busy lives, with family, friends, career, hobbies, free time, creative pursuits, health, mundane tasks, meals, sleep, TV, and relaxation (I'm sure I've forgotten things, like dancing and gardening and jousting and Aunt Millie's 80th birthday). (2) We need to start with one ball in the air, then add the next, then the next, then the next....not throw them all up at once and expect them to stay airborne immediately. (3) Sometimes a ball falls to the ground, usually through no fault of our own but due to the force of gravity and the weight of lots of objects.

Differences between juggling and time management: (1) We are human and balls are different from people, responsibilities, and dreams. (2) The people, responsibilities, and dreams we try to juggle are of different weights, or importance; it's much harder to keep unequal objects flying around than to juggle balls of the same weight and size. (3) Sometimes something falls; with juggling balls, that's not catastrophic: with our lives, sometimes it is.

One of the essential keys to time management, and juggling, is to learn your own rhythms. Do you gain more momentum and accomplish more by getting small, easy tasks out of the way first, building success that then fuels the 'big jobs'? Or do you never get to the big jobs if you start with the small ones? Do you accomplish more by tackling the biggest, most pressing task and getting it out of the way when you're still fresh in the morning?

What time of day is your most productive? When do you have the most energy; when is your mind most awake? (This can change over the years, so don't expect it to be same for you at age 21 and then at age 52.) Try to schedule the priorities during that time.

Are there annoying steps that you need to tackle before getting to the good stuff? Can you set up a reward for yourself so those are accomplished? Everything has a sequence; if you're tackling the end of the sequence before you accomplish the middle steps, you're not managing time very well, and you'll end up spending more of it cleaning up the mistakes that are made.

Are there days when you wake up ready to tackle long lists of numbers and other days when adding two plus two scares the bedoodles out of you? Can you take advantage of these variations in yourself and grab the tasks you're in the mood for? (Be careful of objective deadlines---those have to be met first.)

There's a lot more to be considered in managing time, juggling the clock and all the to-dos of attaining your goals. Hopefully, these thoughts and questions will improve how you're already using time!

Comments, thoughts, questions, all appreciated!

--Batya

Transitions

2008-04-21T11:12:00.005-05:00

This Saturday, April 26, from 9 till 2, is the long-awaited health fair at the Bellevue Y---hope to see you there!

The UPositive Website is, I promise, in the works and almost ready. Can’t wait to send out the announcement about it. An e-newsletter will be coming at about the same time.

Transitions. Do we love them or do we hate them? They’re necessary to get from place A to place B, and when we set goals, it’s important to consider how change occurs.

Preparation is an essential step in any process. The more effort you put into preparation, the more powerful the step when you’re ready to take it. Native Americans, for instance, who practice the Sun Dance start months if not years before getting ready physically and spiritually for the sacred ordeal. The Sun Dance is often done for purification, to rid oneself of the past before stepping into the future.

Taking the time to assess where you’re coming from, what’s held you prisoner, what’s created obstacles to your success before now is essential before planning steps to achieve new goals. Some of those obstacles must be addressed before they rear their ugly heads again, stopping you before you get very far. Including ways to face your inner and outer demons in your planning helps immensely in reaching your goals.

The transition from past to present is rarely comfortable. It’s the in-between. The not-here-anymore but not-yet-there-either stage. It feels narrow and constricting. You’re ready for action but can’t yet take it. You want to break free and jump ahead to race for your finish line.

Remember the turtle who won the race with the hare? Sometimes it's the person who takes the necessary time to do what must be done who wins in the end. Don’t shortcut the process by skipping the all-important transition from what’s behind you to what’s in front of you. Take the time now to assess, and to add what you need to do to avoid past mistakes or problems to your To-DoAble list.

And then---Go for your Goal!!

--Batya

Happenings and Wonderings

2008-04-14T22:24:00.006-05:00

Announcements
A weekly goals support group begins May 13 at 6 pm. You can sign up and get the details at http://self-improvement.meetup.com/279/. This is a group for people ready to get past setting goals and move on to achieving them. You don’t have to have creative dreams to participate, but creative goals are very welcome. Please read more at the link.

In two hours on two Thursday evenings in June, you can improve your getting-things-done-in-a-24-hour-day skills. The Songwriter’s Guild of America has invited me back to present a second seminar: Time management for Creative People. Details and early registration are through calling Kimberly at (615) 742-9945 or email her at nash@songwritersguild.com.

Individual coaching sessions are available in May and June. You can email me at UPositive55@aol.com for more information.

www.UPositive.com, I am assured, will be up and running in the foreseeable future. There’ll be a celebration party at Starbuck’s in Belle Meade when that happens. Invitations forthcoming.

I’m Curious
I'm wondering if there isn't some parallel reality where all fictional characters, past, present, and future live: to write, all we need do is reach up into the storyether and grab someone, then sit them on the keyboard and let them tell what happens.

I’m not sure how else it happens---the magic of fiction. Where does the dream that evolves into a murder mystery originate? Or the character that grabs onto your awareness and refuses to let go, following you to Kroger’s and insisting on Cheddar cheese instead of the Gouda you usually buy? How are you suddenly watching a love scene on the wall of your shower when only a moment ago you were rinsing shampoo and reaching for the conditioner?

It isn’t only words or characters, either. I once attended a piano recital in Lincoln Center and found myself watching a 24-person cast of classical ballerinas dance an entire love story on the domed ceiling. I don’t even know how to begin choreographing this, and can only imagine that those who do know how experience this glory regularly. How wonderful to watch a tulip in the breeze and translate it to human movement. Or to smell garlic simmering in Aunt Katerina’s kitchen and translate that into an abstract sculpture.

Creativity is endless. There is always something new under the sun.

So I wonder why some people are open to these creative intrusions, or ready to reach out of the everyday into the imagination for them?

There are some who wander with connections to imaginary characters and are diagnosed with schizophrenia; others awarded with grants and prizes. What makes the difference?

What do you think?

--Batya

Moments

2008-04-07T22:22:00.001-05:00

There are those defining moments in our lives that, though short in duration, effect us at such a depth that we are changed forever. Through twenty years of psychotherapy practice, I’m convinced that most of these moments occur in childhood; we spend the rest of our lives either proving them true or false, whether or not we remember the situations or have defined the messages we took from them. But these moments aren’t limited to childhood---they can occur at any time in our lives, turn us onto a detour, change our world-view, values, politics, religion, creativity, goals.

Recently, I remembered one of these moments from my childhood. At about eight or nine, I absorbed a message about the monetary worth of my creativity, actually, of my work in general. When the memory rose to the surface it wrenched me open; tears spewed from my gut; my self-definition lurched from its usual place within me a few degrees east (or maybe it was west). The tears didn’t last long, but the depth of the catharsis produced immediate, positive effect.

What have those moments been in your life? What situations have you been in that defined you as a creative being in the world? What moments valued or de-valued your creative esteem? How important have these moments been to your growth and success (or how much of an obstacle to your success have they been)? Did it make a difference when you realized or remembered or otherwise brought the memory to surface awareness? How have these moments affected your creative productivity?

Mourning Time

2008-04-01T09:43:00.000-05:00

First, let me apologize for not posting this yesterday (Monday). Hopefully, it’ll be the exception to the self-imposed rule.

Second, let me assure you this blog is not about death, but about rejection, about small failures.

Yesterday I learned that a short story I’d submitted to an Internet writing contest hadn’t won. It wasn’t an important contest to me, and I didn’t think I had much chance right from the start. But when I learned the story had lost, like many other times my writing has been rejected, I felt a letdown. Someone had put a pin in my balloon of hope.

The stoics among us---even my Inner Stoic---says, “The best thing to do is turn around and send it out somewhere else.” Which I fully intend to do, but not right away.

The words “my story lost” uses the same word as “I lost my grandmother X years ago.” However we explain the difference to ourselves, the word is the same and our minds hear it in a similarly way. Just as I took the time to mourn the “loss” of my grandmother, I think it’s important to take some time to mourn the loss of our works “losing” a contest, a judging for inclusion in an exhibit, the loss of a job opportunity we hoped for, the loss of an advertising account.

So how do we do it and move on? How do we get over it as quickly as possible so that we can send the story out again, or enter a photograph in a showing, or apply for the next job on our list?

Anyone reading this who knows me, can guess that I’m going to include the Right Brain in the process, as well as the Left.

I’ll share my process, and I hope all my readers will share theirs, also.

Rant and rave. (Right Brain) “Those stupid people! They don’t know good writing when they see it. Probably the dude’s brother won!” I allow this for about five minutes, no longer.

Calm myself down and remind myself about the contest specifics. (Left Brain) Often I realize in retrospect that maybe my story didn’t even fit their requirements. (In this particular case, although they said only a short reference of any kind to Australia or something Australian would suffice, all three winners wrote in Australian---which is a very different language than American, with references in every sentence, dialect, location, setting, etc.)

Next, I read the winning entries. (Left Brain) (I thought one was extremely well-written, although it was supposed to be a mystery and though it contained a crime, there was no mystery to it at all; the other two seemed to be different versions of the same story, written similarly, but bursting with Australianisms.)

Then I comfort myself with all that I’ve learned. (Right Brain)

I wait at least 24 hours, sometimes 48 hours, before revisiting my own story. Then I reread it, looking for ways to improve it---not for that contest but for its own sake. (Left and Right Brains working together)

Finally, it’s time to move on. Either send that story out again or put it aside and get to work on something else.

I’ve given myself time to vent, allowed my inner angst a little bit of space so it doesn’t have to take a whole lot when I’m not looking, I’ve learned something about contests (at least that one), read a good story, hopefully improved my own story, and moved on.

I’ll never know if my story wasn’t chosen because it wasn’t well-written, or because it didn’t have enough Australia in it. But now it doesn’t matter.

How do you deal with rejection and “loss” in your creative life? In striving for what you want even in the non-creative arenas?

---Batya

Critiques---To Get or Not to Get, That is the Question

2008-03-24T22:41:00.003-05:00

Allow me to start with a story, please.

As a writing major in undergraduate school I had two professors; I adored both of them--Matt and Milt. They both liked me, so no problem there. However, they disliked each other. Possible reasons for this are irrelevant to this post, so I'll spare you. After a while, I noticed a pattern with my writing and their critiques, and I decided to check it out.

At the time, poetry was my genre-of-choice, so I prepared the same 10 poems and gave each professor a copy. Since they really didn't talk to each other much, there was little chance of them figuring out my test.

I waited. I brewed. I chewed my fingernails. I walked in circles. I ate chocolate. Finally, the verdict came in and I received my critiques on the poems.

Matt liked five of the 10 poems. Milt liked the other five. Go figure.

But I learned a really important lesson early on in my writing career: a critique is valuable, but it isn't 'the final and only word' on the subject.

Although I'm addressing writing at present, the same goes for any feedback you might get---photography, dance, visual art, melodies, advertising copy, anything creative.

Creative output is subjective. The response to it is subjective. Every viewpoint is 'right'---which doesn't make yours 'wrong.'

The value of critique is to get feedback, not judgment. If Matt and Milt had both liked the same five poems---or even two of the same poems and trashed the rest---I'd have had some incredibly useful information. And two excellent poems.

When you have a number of people read (or look at) your work, and they agree on the same problem---then it's time to fix something. If they disagree, then take all the criticism back home, let it sit a few days, or at least hours, and approach your piece with a clear mind. See how the suggestions fit with your own feelings and vision of your work.

Don't change something just because another person tells you to---no matter who that person is. Not even your mother, though if yours is like mine, she's probably right!

YOU, and only you, are the final word on your creative work.

I belong to a number of critiquing groups. They are always helpful. But I don't make every change that everyone suggests. First of all, that's impossible, as people, like Matt and Milt, disagree. Secondly, because I don't agree with all of the suggestions. And, thirdly, I'm stubborn.

There's a scene in one of my murder mysteries that most of my readers dislike. It's in the middle of the book; I hadn't planned it; the characters did it even when I wanted them to stop; it's not pretty. But I'm not ready to take it out, mostly because it was so organic to the process of the story as it was being written. Will I let it kill a publishing deal? No way. When a potential publisher says, 'take the *&^in' scene out'---trust me, it will be in shreds on my office floor. But until then, it stays. Because I'm the writer---and I say so.

So, yes, go get critiqued. From people you respect. From people who do your same art and who are better than you are at it. From people who know your artform. From people with similar world-views and life-agendas.

Then take all the suggestions home. Put them aside. Take a bubble bath. Go dance. Have chocolate. And the next day, spread them all out across your desk and pick and choose the ones that make the best sense and feel right and make your work even more yours.

--Batya

Courage and Creativity, Part II

2008-03-17T10:01:00.002-05:00

First, Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Let’s all do a jig in celebration. Let’s all write/dance/paint with leprechauns!

In my blog on 2/18, I raised the question, paraphrased here, What is courageous about creativity? It took me a while, but here’s my personal answer.

Creativity is the act of bringing something new forth from the materials/emotions/situations in which we live. The form might well be almost infinite, in a number of realms: language, movement, shape, color, taste, even odor (there’s a word I can’t think of this moment for perfume-makers).

The feeling of safety comes, most often, from familiarity and trust (trust building, also, from familiarity and consistency).

As creative people, we choose to move from moments of “safety,” of being in the known, the already experienced, into the unknown. Like the “Fool” in the Tarot deck, carrying the form of our creativity in our hobo-sacks, we step off the ledge of safety into the unknown. The “Fool” often represents new beginnings in a Tarot reading. It is safe to say, then, that there’s at least a bit of foolishness in the creative act.

It takes a lot of courage to play the Fool.

It takes a lot of courage to step into the unknown.

It takes a lot of courage to risk failure---and a lot of courage to risk success.

Taking on an even larger edge of the discussion…In the Western world in which we live, we come from traditions (Judaism, Islam, Christianity) in which the Deity has created the world, and the entire population of it. So ”creativity” is seen or experienced in a deep, learned level, as a God-act.

How much courage it takes to step into the realm of God-action!

Does that make us “gods”? No, I don’t think so. Does it make us more “godlike”? In a certain sense, yes.

I, personally, and absolutely, believe that creativity is a sacred act. No matter what we’re creating. (Yes, I believe there can be exceptions to this statement.)

And it takes a lot of courage to make sacred acts.

Sci-fi writers might understand this: creating whole new worlds, sometimes life-forms that didn’t exist until they put them on paper or screen. But they’re not the only ones. We all feel that sense of expanding, of our hearts opening as well as our minds as new ideas, shapes, motions, connections fill us as we create.

It takes courage to remain open to new possibilities. It takes even more courage to form those ideas and thoughts into a tangible art form---of any kind.

And so we risk---our selves, our sanity, our safety, our security---to walk the path of creativity. Without the risk, everything would stay exactly the same. No change. Stasis. Life requires change, growth. It’s part of the natural cycle. Those of us who are courageous enough to participate in the continuing creation of the world around us keep life happening. We are contributing to the future of life on the planet we live on just by being brave enough o create. We are courageous enough to keep the spark of change going, to keep the creation of the world moving forward.

Creativity is being courageous enough to open ourselves to possibility, to newness, to what-comes-next.

Even in its smallest forms of expression, creativity is a courageous act.

I’d love to read the thoughts of others on this (or other) topics about creativity. Please blog back!

--Batya

Will the Thrill

2008-03-10T18:27:00.002-05:00

(First---thank you to Kindra, a new friend/colleague who visited me at the Health Fair yesterday. I really appreciated her being there.)

A writer on one of the forums I belong to opened a discussion today about losing the excitement of his novel when he worked on the research for it. This made me think about other conversations I’ve had with clients, friends, and, yes, even myself, about losing enthusiasm when it comes to the small daily steps of accomplishing our goals.

Looking at the end result of my vision…say, seeing my mystery series on the shelf at Borders, always fills me with excitement. I can close my eyes and visualize just where it will be. I can smell the crispness of the first printing, hear the just-perceptible crack of the spine as I open it to scratch my pen across the front page with my very first autograph. Ahhhhh…that feels so good! So real! So inspiring! (In fact, I’m tempted to end this blog here and start editing the book!)

It’s an empowering visualization---and we all have them for our goals (at least those of us who have stopped to work on and set our goals).

But when it comes to getting those big visions down to “It’s Monday morning and today I have to read a chapter in this really dry book on Victorian etiquette in rural Britain and I don’t want to,” we wonder where all that excitement went.

Sometimes the small, daily steps to the big, overall goal are left-brain, while the excitement and the visualization of the goal are right-brain. We get to Monday…or Tuesday…and need to accomplish the left-brain activity to achieve the right-brain exciting vision. And we’re totally at a lack for motivation, excitement, energy, empowerment…you name it. We want another cup of coffee. We suddenly remember the bathroom needs cleaning. There’s one more dust bunny behind the couch.

What went wrong?

What went wrong is that we left our right brain relishing in the exciting visualization and handed all the rest of getting-there to the left brain. The left brain doesn’t hold emotions. The left brain can’t get excited, even if it wants to.

The solution: get the right brain involved in the left-brain daily to-dos.

How? Connect back to your original visualization. Feel the excitement of success at the goal again! Refresh yourself with all the sensory connections you originally felt when choosing the goal.

Then use that excitement to empower the left brain to accomplish all those daily to-dos that will get you to the goal your right brain chose originally.

The hardest part of this process is to remember to do it. After a while, if you practice it regularly, reconnecting to that right-brain excitement will come naturally.

And the everyday to-do list will look like a page of check-marks!

Now…I’m off to edit a murder story! How about you?

--Batya

Celebrations and Goal Attainment

2008-03-03T10:18:00.006-06:00

Health Fair
What are you doing Sunday, March 9, from 1-4 pm? (remember to change your clocks!) Stop by to say hello me at the Health Fair at the Jewish Community Center (off Hwy. 70S near the 70/100 split)---this is a big one and really will happen (barring tornado, tsunami, ice storm, or the landing of aliens from another galaxy). I’ll be handing out literature, calendars, and offering FREE seminars to three lucky raffle winners! Come on by and enter!
Map for JCC: http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?searchtype=address&country=US&addtohistory=&searchtab=home&formtype=address&popflag=0&latitude=&longitude=&name=&phone=&level=&cat=&address=801+Percy+Warner+Boulevard&city=Nashville&state=TN&zipcode=37205

Celebrations and Goal-Attainment
This week---Thursday, March 6---I celebrate my half birthday!

A half birthday? What’s that?

Years ago I noticed that the second half of my year was always better than the first half (it may have something to do with the beginning of spring, increased sunlight, crocuses and tulips in bloom), so I decided, hey, it’s my birthday---I can celebrate it however I want---in halves, quarters, whatever! And, there’s no law against it!

Celebration is a very important part of a healthy life. The world throws us enough muck along the way that we need to balance it out through celebrating. Our culture is particularly noncreative in celebrations: We have some fun fireworks on July 4, great decorations and store sales around Christmastime, some late-night revelries on New Year’s Eve, green beer on St. Patrick’s Day, parades on Memorial Day (if you’re lucky) and then you get to celebrate your birthday and anniversary. There are the one-time celebrations, also, such as graduation or a wedding. If you’re Jewish you get a Bar- or Bat-mitzvah, and Catholics have First Communions. Other than those paltry few, there’s not a whole lot of partying goin’ round.

What’s most important about celebrations is that they serve as acknowledgements, life markers. We’ve made it through another year of life…or marriage. We deserve an award! Look, we finally got through the grind of school! We’ve made it! We’ve reached some particular goal!

So many of us set our goals and then plod on and on toward them. We rarely stop to see how far we’ve come compared to where we were before. Maybe we’re afraid that the hobgoblins of the past…the anchors and cement-block slippers and bogeymen fears will rear their ugly heads and get in our way again. Maybe we’re just too busy moving forward to take a moment to look back.

I think the first step in setting and attaining goals is to take a good, long look at where we’ve already been---and then to stop and celebrate how far we’ve already come! To acknowledge ourselves for making it through all the trials and tribulations and stresses and obstacles we’ve encountered. And, most important, to congratulate ourselves for getting to today!

After all, how can you set a map to your future and plan the direction to take if you don’t know where you’re starting?

So take a few moments and lift the mirror. Take a long look at the road behind you. Pat yourself on the back! Shake your own hand! Have a chocolate bon-bon! Light a candle and make a wish! Do something that is celebratory to acknowledge your success in getting to today!

Just like in Alice-in-Wonderland---celebrate your Un-Birthday!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InSn2BLDwfQ http://www.nonsenselit.org/carroll/fc0341/

Step number two: Plan some celebrations on the way to your goals. When I get my first chapter written, I’m going to hold a tea party! When I reach five new clients, I’ll take myself to dinner! When I get my business loan, I’ll buy that beautiful desk lamp!

And for the ‘little’ steps, especially the hard ones---find a mini-celebration for yourself. Pat yourself on the head (when no one’s looking), shake your own hand, do a Happy Dance around your desk…whatever works for you.

These are all moments of self-acknowledgement, of positive feedback. Positive feedback is the single most motivating and inspirational force I know (well, second…the possibility of meeting Robert Redford is the first most motivating and inspirational force I know, personally).

And, by all means---celebrate your half-birthday!

What sorts of celebrations, large or small, do you do? What provides positive feedback that motivates and inspires you in continuing toward your goals? Please feel free to share your thoughts here!

--Batya

Psychotherapy vs Life Coaching: Which is for you?

2008-02-25T15:56:00.002-06:00

A number of people have been asking me, “Why two businesses? What’s the difference between Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy and UPositive Life Coaching?” So I thought this would be a good place to try to clarify it.

As a licensed psychotherapist (LCSW), I am well trained to help you explore deep emotional issues, work through relationship problems, and recover from physical/sexual/emotional abuse. My Master’s level education as well as more than 15 years in the field, provides me with the expertise to help you change your life from the inside out.

In Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy sessions we explore the contributing factors to your relationship with the world and the people around you; address issues of self-esteem, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, and the like to help you make better choices. We work our way through layers of your habits and defenses to change your behavior, attitude, and feelings in the life you lead. Of course, we also work with your goals, both therapeutic and life goals. Many tools used in life-coaching are utilized in therapy sessions as well.

However, due to the Code of Ethics of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) to which I adhere in Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy, ‘dual relationships’ are not permitted. In the simplest definition possible, ‘dual relationships’ constitute any contact between therapist and client outside the therapy session.

As a life coach with UPositive Life Coaching, I can help you change your life from the outside in. We focus on your goals, creative or otherwise. There are tools and techniques we will utilize to streamline your process of attaining the success you define for yourself. If you need help with a new wardrobe for a new type of career, or need support at your first showcase, I can be a help, just two quick examples of what I could not do as your therapist.

On the other hand, we will not investigate the deeper emotional issues that might have contributed to your previously delayed successes. If these past experiences become obstacles in reaching your goals, I will be able to refer you to a therapist to work through them, to further clear the way so that you can better reach the dreams you have for your life.

All the seminars presented through Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy and UPositive Life Coaching are open to clients of both; however, there may be follow-up groups to some of the life coaching seminars that would not be open to therapy clients, again due to the ethical limitations of that profession.

To sum up: If you have deep emotional scars that need healing, early-life traumas that need clearing, or patterns that have repeated since childhood or adolescence, Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy sessions would be most helpful to you.

If, on the other hand, you are looking for guidance and support in setting, organizing, and achieving your goals, or with balancing your creative and everyday life…UPositive Life Coaching would be your best choice.

It really is: Do you need to work from the inside out (psychotherapy) or the outside in (life coaching). You will experience increased understanding of yourself, improve the quality of your life, and clear your path to success whichever choice is right for you.

Please feel free to post here, or contact me privately at UPositive55@aol.com if you have further questions about this topic.

Health Fair Canceled Feb. 23

2008-02-19T18:11:00.002-06:00

Bad News First.
Sorry---if anyone was planning to go, but I just this minute got a call from the Turner Center at the Bellevue Y that they're postponing the Health Fair until late April. More info closer to that time.

Good news: my winning entry is up on CoolStuff4Writers.com, so if you have a chance and want a chuckle, you can read it there!

--Batya

Courage to Create

2008-02-18T09:03:00.010-06:00

Another Monday already! That was quick!

First, a huge thank you to Elysabeth, Steve, and Heather for their angelic and brilliant editing of my Web copy. I owe all three of you!

NEWS: Please remember to stop by and visit UPositive Life Coaching's table at the Turner Center Health Fair on Saturday, 2/23, between 9 and 2. It's focusing on (mildly) Alternative Medicine and Health, so there promises to be interesting information available. The Bellevue Y is behind the Starbuck's in the newly developed area just Nashville-side of Chaffin's Barn on Hwy. 100. Let me know if you need directions.

The March-April calendar for both UPositive Life Coaching and Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy is ready. I'm really excited about presenting a very wide range of workshops. The dates will be up on the Website as soon as the Website is up (UPositive.com), which is soon, I promise! Seminar topics: Goal Attainment for the Creative Person, Breaking thru Creative Blocks, Getting it Done! (accountability for attaining your goals), Intro to Past-Life Regressions, 2 Hours to Better Sleep, Positive Thinking, and a Women's Therapy Group. Contact me if you want more info on any of these prior to the website getting going.

Hopefully, my winning, and funny, contest entry will up on http://www.coolstuff4writers.com/ this week. I'm in the process of finding out what's holding it up.

THOUGHTS

The Courage to Create, what a wonderful phrase! It's also the title to one of Rollo May's books, first printed in 1975. Rollo May is a psychotherapist whose writing can fit as easily under the heading of philosophy.

Before I get into more detail, my Argumentative Imps (adorable little things, really) insist on being heard. The book talks about creative endeavors in the sense of high art, or well-judged art, or successful art. I wholeheartedly argue that creativity, art of any sort, every product of creative energy, has equal value. Rather than go into detail about that (a totally separate blog), I'd just like to say that what takes courage is not the quality of product, but the quality of action---the doing, the process. We only have the ability to choose to create, not to choose the results (if only we did! Grammies all around!)

In The Courage to Create, May addresses such questions as, Why does an original idea pop up from the unconscious at a given moment? What's the relation between talent and the creative act? Why are we so delighted by the products of creativity? Right in the Preface he gives the answer: "We express our being by creating. Creativity is a necessary sequel to being." The rest of the book explores the process of creativity itself as well as the courage needed to participate in life with a creative response. He discusses form and harmony, the need to make meaning from chaos, the high of the creative moment, the depth or absorption into the energy of life itself that is required for creativity.

The book is well-worth reading: I can't possibly do it justice here. Anyone interesting in creativity as a process or act will enjoy reading it.

What I would like to ask, though, is what does 'courage' mean, in relation to creativity?

Courage is usually defined as the determination to proceed with fear. If there is no fear, there is no courage...there's just everyday action. So...what's fearful about creativity?

Instead of giving my answer (fingers itching to type), I'm going to open the discussion up to all of you. Please post your thoughts, other questions, and ideas. I'm curious to hear what you all have to say! (And I promise to offer my own thoughts on the topic next Monday, or before.)

---Batya

Updates, Monday Monday

2008-02-11T11:32:00.001-06:00

Well, it's Monday, and here I am blogging. Yes, I do try to keep my word.

First, some News and Updates:
I won! I won! First prize in Seven Outrageous Writing Resolutions for 2008, on http://www.coolstuff4writers.com/Contest/Pastwinners.html. You know I can always create a list of goals, right? It's not up yet, but it should be there within the next few days. Guaranteed to give you a chuckle or two!

UPositive Life Coaching will have a table at The Turner Center's Alternative Health Fair, on Saturday, February 23, from 9 to 2, at the Bellevue Y (Hwy. 100, just before Chaffin's Barn). Stop on by to say hello!

UPositive.com is moseying its way into existence...almost there, almost there. I'll be sending out an email to friends, clients, and family to announce it's actual day of birth.

In the meantime, some thoughts for this Monday.

I'm preparing a new seminar about Time Management for the Creative Person. Basically, there's a lot of conversation needed between the Left and Right Brains in this process, especially because the Left Hemisphere functions on (maybe invented) linear, clock-and-calendar time, and the Right Hemisphere functions on non-linear, cyclical-sequential-mood-go-with-the-flow time. The challenge is to overlap those two functions in the same realm of action: our actions.

There are tricks, of course. Time-expansion, which I'll teach at the seminar, works wonders, but can't be overused. Right-Brain/Left-Brain Communication is essential.

Maybe it's time to finally write my book: How to Get Everything Done Through Procrastination. I've got the title page and intro down, but I seem to get distracted by other activities....

Personally, I'm finding that after doing my goals visualizations, and my goals lists, and my goals outline, and my chart----that a running list of (almost 200) To-DoAbles helps. This won't work for everyone, but it might be worth a quick try. I hang it behind my computer, where my eyes (and hands and butt) spend most of their time---so I can't miss it. That way, there's no "I don't know what to do next" voice in my head with any validity. Sometimes I pull the list down, close my eyes, and just point. If I don't do that DoAble, I can always do the one above or below it (hey---who's looking?).

I do have some other ideas/points/tricks ready to go for the seminar, but I was wondering: Do any of you have ideas for time management that has worked for you in relation to your creativity---either getting down to creating or just making time for it in your busy schedule? Please feel free to share in a comment here.

--Batya

Welcome to the new blog for UPositive!

2008-02-04T18:34:00.001-06:00

Welcome to the new blog for UPositive!!

Here, you'll be able to read and post comments about all sorts of topics related to psychotherapy, life coaching, creativity, upcoming UPositive Life Coaching and Passion-for-Life Psychotherapy seminars, new eBooks, motivation, and more!

In order to respect friends, clients, parents, and youngsters who might visit, I would appreciate everyone refraining from cursing on this blog. Other than that---thoughts, feelings, questions, answers, quotations, suggestions---pretty much anything goes.

My idea is to use this blog to address various issues related to the topics of my businesses---even the fact that I have more than one business. I'll mention books, quotes from books, maybe even movies or TV shows that elicit thoughts, inspiration, or questions, and I hope you'll add your own responses.

I'm hoping that clients, prospective clients, friends, family members, creative folks of all styles of expression find the blog helpful and inspiring!

Unlike my personal blog, I promise to post to this one at least once a week, preferably more often. I'm planning on Mondays, so please do check back!

And please visit my new Website: UPositive.com (up and running by the end of February, 2008), and about time!

--Batya